Ghetto Flowers

Me: Hey mom, do you remember those glue flowers we made in Girl Scouts?
Mom: No.
Me: I'm gonna try to make them.
Mom: Is this for your blog? haHAhahAhaha

Like really, a witch cackle. Thanks for your love and undying support. Seriously though my mom is one crafty bitch, so when i called her at work 5 minuets ago and was like, "hey do we have any of those glass rocks you use at the bottom of fish bowls?" She was like, "Laundry room cabinet, second shelf." Then she direct repeated the last phrase of the aforementioned conversation, and i was like, "i'm over this." But you gotta forgive her, especially since she was there for me in my time of need. Anyway...

Glue flowers! What a mo-fo. These things were the worst, and they turned out looking pretty ghetto. Well here we go.

First you bend some wire. I originally used a hanger, but it ended up looking like some kind of creature, so i had to go to Joanne's in the ghetto (word of the day?) mall to get some 20 gauge and elmers glue. Also i bought two things of wire because i always run out of stuff, and have to make like 10 trips, and what happens? I run out of glue, that's life for ya. The other wire came out looking alright, i just bent it with some pliers.


Then comes the glue, which is the worst. First i thought i'd put it on a plate, but the petals kept popping up and not getting glue on them, so then i drenched the plate in glue, and had to let it sit overnight to dry. I awoke the next day to find, not only was it not totally dry, but there was a fly stuck in it.

So at this point a started to cut of the excess glue, and made a cold mess of things. Also don't use your mom's kitchen scissors for this process, she will not be happy. Now i'm doing this, hands covered in glue, and my cat starts attacking me.

Harvey's pretty needy, as cats go. My mom got her when she was going through Chemo, so all they used to do was lay around together, then my mom started going back to work and Harvey's like, 'I didn't sign up for this shit.' She's pretty bitter about the whole situation, but you know what Harvey? You fuck around and this is what happens:

Consider your bald spot pay back for my garden. So i cut out the shapes and sort of re-glue them to the wire, wiped glue all over them, and let them dry for another day. This project took entirely too long. Also i started with six, and lost interest after four, so the bouquet's a little lacking. Also some of the petals have holes in them.


They're a type of daisy, Bellis Perennis, oBviously. Anyway i put them in the dinning room window. If anyone asks i'll tell them i made them when i was in girl scouts.

*Prison Wine Update: Sorry guys, i kind of forgot about this. After two weeks later you put the Pdubs in the fridge for another week. Then bring it back to room temp, and enjoy the harsh biting taste of bread yeast and grape juice, so refreshing. Ghetto!