What is this Schmootze?

This morning i'm like wide awake at 6am, and i'm just like: no. So i lay around for awhile, read, and suddenly i hear my dad get up downstairs, and i have two goals. 1: Take the first shower (it's the longest, hot water wise) 2: Do laundry before work.

So i race downstairs and hop in the shower, and BAM! 3min of hot water. And it's like WTF? because normally we have at least 5, and i was praying for 7 with the first shower pick. So now i'm freezing and slightly disappointed, and as i exit the bathroom i see my dad with his head in the oven. If this isn't a disaster waiting to happen, i don't know what is. So i'm like, "Hey, did you turn off the electricity?" and he's like, "Good idea." I'm upstairs finishing the morning process for like 10min, and i come down to use the washer, and it's stopped mid cycle. Not only do i now have to wait for dad to do god knows what with the oven, but i also have to wait for laundry that should have finished last night, but for some reason stopped. it's like, 'whatever i'll go on the internet,' and there's no electricity in the entire house. "I didn't know which one was the kitchen," Dad says. And you know what? I'd rather he turn off everything just to be safe, so whatever, i'll help fix the oven, and we can be on our way.

We get the part out, and i need to look up a place to get a replacement, so we have to turn on the electricity. I figure at least we can get the laundry going, but we can't because for some reason there's still no electricity in the laundry room. And Popou comes in and is like, "What are you doing to my laundry, i put it in at like 8:30 this morning... exactly the time i started to shower. Hmmmm, thanks Popou. Then, then he's like, "Oh, i blew a fuse with the coffee machine this morning, can you fix it? And suddenly it's all clear. The fuse to the laundry room is part of Pop's house, and coincidentally he both sabotaged my shower, stole the washing machine, then proceeded to blow the fuse in his house at the exact time we turned off our electricity delaying his wash and therefore mine. "When are we going to breakfast?" he says. "I don't know ask dad." I fix the fuse, start his wash, and go to search for the part on the computer, where Popou is waiting.

Popou: He says we'll leave as soon as you find the piece.
Me: Ok, we'll probably about 10min then.
Popou: So why are you going on the computer, go look.
Me: I have to look on the computer.
Popou: Whatever kid.

Which he says in complete anger. Like i've somehow offended him by needing to be on the computer to help Dad so we can all go to breakfast. But it's like, whatever. So it takes me like 15min to find the right part, the right store, and directions. In which time my mom as risen and wants to know why there's no hot water. So now we're ready to go, and she's like, "Oh, i'll come too." which means it's gonna be another half an hour.

I go outside to tell Popou, and he's legit not talking to me. So i sit down to drink my coffee, because it's actually nice out, and start to day dream, then out of no where:

Popou: So when are you getting married kid?
Me: You got me.
Popou: You got a boyfriend.
Me: No.
Popou: Maybe you should think about it.

Ouch. Like my mom doesn't ask me if i'm dating someone every day of my life, now i've got Popou and his delusions. Finally everyone's ready and we pack into the car and start out towards the restaurant until we reach an impasse.

Mom: The store's to the right.
Dad: But the restaurant's straight ahead.
Mom: I thought we were going to take care of this first Phil.
Dad: We're going out for breakfast hun.
Me (Glancing towards Popou): Yeah, let's go to breakfast first.
Mom: We're going to the store first, take a right.
Popou: Maybe we can have lunch.

So then we search for the store which, turns out, is 20min from where we thought:

Mom: Ugh, why did you take this route?
Dad: WE WERE GOING TO THE RESTAURANT FIRST!
Mom: Oh, right. I'm going to ask them about the door.
Dad: What door?
Mom: The door to the oven.
Dad: Hun, they don't do that kind of stuff there, it's just a parts store.
Me: Let me just run in and get the part so we can get on with this.
Mom: If we're going there i'm going to ask them.
Popou: Maybe we can have dinner.

Finally we're there and Dad, Mom, and i go in:

Dad: I guess the whole family's coming for parts.
Me: Hi, i called about the baking element to our oven.
Guy: Name?
Me: Lauren
Guy: No, name of the oven.
Me: Oh, Ge model &*#@&%
Guy: Ok, it's right here.
Mom: Do you guys do repairs?
Guy: Yeah there's another company here that does.
Mom: Can you take apart the door to the oven to get all that shmootze out?
Dad: Shmootze? Nancy where are you, Borrow Park?
Mom: Sorry, what do you want me to say, Junk? Shit? Gook? What word would you use Phil?
Guy: We don't actually do that, it's not really repair.
Mom: Well can i take it apart?
Guy: You could take it apart, but could you put it back together?
Dad: How much do i owe you.
Mom: At the church they have this...
Dad: Kid, take your mother outside, will ya?
Mom: I'll just go keep this part safe in the car.
Guy: We don't take American Express.
Dad: What is this Shmootze?

Onward to Davey's:


Which is one of my favorite places, but apparently not Popou's because he legit hated it. Dad love's it because of the tailored ham.


And i love it because fucking look at the place! Also good coffee.

So we get home, Popou's laundry is now in the dryer, mine is washing hopefully it's done in time for work, otherwise i'll have a mean whole right on my tush. Also my back is killing me, so i'm like mom, "Mom my back hurts," and her eyes light up, and she's like, "Let's do stretches!" Which involves me curling my knees into a ball as she sits on them, among other things. But my back does feel better, and at least dad had a good laugh. So then i'm like, "How do i strengthen my lower back?" and she's like, "You can't, you have to strengthen you abs." and i'm like, "So do sit-ups?" and she's like, "I have just the thing!" And comes back with a copied VHS tape of 8min abs that D, Em S, and I used to in high school, and i'm like, "Really? You're prescribing me 8 min abs?" And she looks down at my stomach and is like, "Well, it couldn't hurt."

So, Thanks. Thanks for the lovely day family! If the cold showers got me thinking about looking for apartments today definitely nailed it in.

And... the dryer fuse just blew. Perf.