A Perfect Fucking Snakey Cake.

So the blackberry cake really got me in the mood to roll shit. Coincidenctally there was this episode of Jamie Oliver's show: Jamie does... Marrakesh. Where's Marrakesh? How the fuck should i know (Morrocco)? The important thing here is the Snakey Cake, duh, which of course, OF COURSE, is the one recipe they don't include on the website. Luckily for us my sister knows how to do some research online, because after spending a half hour on the phone with my dad on our way to the Patterson Middle Eastern Markets he may have figured out how to open up internet explorer (I'm slightly exaggerating, really he taught himself how to use google). Anywho my sister was a peach, and found it on this other ladies website in one second.


Chop some nuts! Basically this cake is just nuts (almonds and pistachios), rose water, eggs, butter and 1 tbsp flour. Really easy and delish (well raw anyway). Also some zest of a lemon and one orange, but we didn't have any of the latter, so i used two manderines. Will that change the taste? Probably, whatever.





Also apparently my dad made hard boiled eggs yesterday and put them back with the real eggs, which i like spazzed out because i wasn't expecting and thought there was some developed fetus or something in there. Thanks buddy.

Really the awesome part is you line out like 2 meters (or in my case 74in which is just over 6 feet) of filo dough, and spread it evenly (which, yeah right. I mean this is me we're talking about) throughout. Anyway check this shit out:



Sooooooo cool! But then you have to roll it, which is not easy. Actually it's impossible. Actually i'm an idiot and put the filling in the middle when it should have been to one side, and egg washed the sheets together because i don't know why.

Anyway already not the prettiest thing in the world, but also not rolled near tight enough so it doesn't fit in the cake pan. So now we're in emergency mode, and my dad basically uses the pizza spatula to through this into a huge cassorole dish, that just breaks it apart even more. Then i coated it with an egg wash instead of the melted butter you should use because i don't know how to read directions.


So, okay, not the prettiest thing in the world, but it'll taste fine. I mean, it'll look like a 5 year old made it, but i made it. I mean let's call a spade a spade. Also all the directions are in celcius so on top of everything now i have to do math, gross.

I think the lemon/"orange" zest added a little extra gross, just for good measure. But now, after all this hard work you know what? The fucking oven's broken. And you know what else? When you leaved something that's supposed to hold shape in a half heated oven for 45min this happens:


Totally looks exactly like a snake, right? Picture perfect! aNyway i was like, "Let's toss this shit and try again tomorrow," But my mom's all, "That's a waste, it should still taste fine!" But by that time it was like 9pm and Pops was sleeping so we put it in the fridge and today my dad went over there and baked the shit out of it (i don't think he read my calculations properly. I mean oBvisouly they were totally organized on a clean piece of paper). So now it looks like this:

And i haven't tasted yet... nor will i. But you know what? Neither has anyone else, so you can't drop the 'wasteful' card just yet there family. I am going to do this again, and it will (maybe) turn outto be fucking awesome. It'll be the Snakey Cake we all wished and dreamed about. It'll be just like that other lady's:


Which reminds me i still have to (re)make french macaroons.