An excellent surprise, with a minor setback.

So yesterday i get home from school, and awaiting me is the best present ever!

A smoker (Displayed lovingly next to our weekly box of 'chillable red')! I've been wanting one forever, and i guess this one was on sale for like 40 bucks, so my dad just picked it up. Coolest dad ever.

So oBviously i can't wait to put it together, so i grab my trusty leatherman aka The Juice:


And decree, "The Juice is Loose!" Which is what you have to say whenever you unleash it's majesty regardless of the presence of other people.

It goes together Ikea style, meaning fairly simply, but at some point you're going to put something together wrong and have to re-do. For my it was the little door, hinge on backwards. Also for a while i thought they forgot to include the legs, then realized i had been starring right at them the whole time after i put everything else together. Ta-da:

My only complaint thus far is the temperature gauge, whose setting are "Warm," "Hot," and a wide range of "Ideal":


Which of course will be an accurate reading. What's the exact temperature? Oh it's Ideal. So 250? I just don't know. I'll probs buy another one soon. They also through in this piece of wood:


Dad: Oh Lauren, think of all the smoking we can do with that!

Anyway today i took Popou to breakfast at IHOP. I don't like IHOP, and have taken him to one million other places in an attempt to not go there, but he hates them all. They have all been cheaper, better quality of food, and nicer service, but alas IHOP is his place and today i realized why: People watching. My God he loves to comment on people, and LOUDLY! Soooo embarrassing. He kept talking about obesity because there was this larger sized family next to us, and at one point he's like, "That boy's fat, he should stop eating pancakes." And it's like JESUS CHRIST! You can't say these things, but then he's like "I'm old" so apparently he can? If i break 70 I'm going to rob a bank, and when they catch me i'll be like, "I'm old." and then everyone will laugh, and we'll have a party in the streets with flash mobs and food carts. I CAN'T WAIT!

He's monologue on the way home was this:
(singing) Ba baaa baa baaaa baaa baaaa! You see kid? I have a great voice, they came for me, but then those jerks picked some other losers. My God! The women showing her rays on the the newspaper today! No decency! Today people have no respect. Your governor of California doesn't know what he's doing. I saw a lady selling china at the five and ten cent store... Now that was a song. Today's songs are all (moving his hands up and down in quick jerky motions like a robot): Kill your mother! Kill your father! Steal! Those aren't songs. Baaa baaa bAAAAAAAAhhhhhh I tell you, they'll be coming for me any day...

So I got home and was like, "Mom let's smoke something!" And she gave me the strangest look, then was like, "OH! the new smoker." and my dad was like, "Lauren's going back to the 60's," (because people don't smoke these days) and she's like, "Well she better take me with her." Sometimes when my mom gets drunk she asks me for some of the ole' wacky tobacc-y. Apparently it's only acceptable if she's inebriated, or i'm a baby and my cousins come to visit and they go smoke out in the woods together.

Anyway I was like, "We should marinate something overnight, and she was like, "Oh, dad's marinating a pot roast for tomorrow." and it's like come ON! we had a deal! He even said we were gonna use the new smoker Thursday. So whatever, it'll have to wait until my next day off: Never. (overdramatised do to too much time spent with Popou.)

I got over this quick though because today's package day!!!


Oh man! The only let down was the puffy vest i bought online. Apparently a woman's medium is actually huge, so i gave it to my dad, and it fits him nice. He was like, "The zipper's on the wrong side, is this a woman's vest?" And i was all, "No... unisex." but it's not! haha. It's not quite Michael Scott's woman's suit, i mean it has pockets. I would post a pic, but he immediately drove off to shoprite in it, probably to show it off, so really not a let down at all.


This is the rest of the hall. A barley crusher!!! So exciting. Also i 2 gallon bucket with an airlock, malt and yeast for my sumac ale, wormwood, and a homebrewer's gardening book! Pop says we're starting the garden at the end of the month, and i can't wait!

Anyway my mom was like, "Well we can make dessert later," and then grounded herself out on the back porch.