Julia Child: That bitch knew what was up.

Okay everybody, okay. Tonight is probably the biggest night in culinary history ever... ever! Because, duh, Top Chef All-Stars Finale!!! OMG! OMFG (if you're the Ca radio version)! Anyway this is a tough competition, and so we went for a tough thing to make: Julia Child's Chocolate Souffle, bitches!! Here's Em in purple: In all my years of baking I don't believe I have ever attempted a souffle, mostly because I avoid cooking things I can't spell, but also because there is such a high risk of failure. What could be more embarrassing than a deflated souffle? Luckily, the only people we have here to judge us are Quaz's parents and Harvey. Speaking of judging, how about that Top Chef finally tonight! If you don't know by now, we are Team Blais! I wonder if Richard is going to have to make a souffle tonight.....

God i hope not. But let me tell you something, if i(we) can make a damn souffle, then Richard Fucking Blais can win Top Chef. No doubt.

We started by melting some chocolate with some hot water and coffee. Double boiler style.


Then we mixed some shit (Cornstarch, milk, and sugar) forever on the stove until it thickened and boiled. Added the egg yolks, and the chocolate, and whipped away:


Then egg white time (Note: Whenever you see mixing in this post you'll notice i'm beating the shit out of everything with my entire life force, and Em is sitting comfortably next to the Kitchen Aid. How that worked out, i'm still not sure).


It's not laziness my friends, it's called efficiency. Plus it allowed me to multi task and read the directions for the next step to Quaz for the third time. So once the egg whites look like a "slightly stiff clown's hat that's folded over".....or something like that, maybe the " " shouldn't be there because that's not a direct quote, but I remember something about a clown's hat and thought well Julia, that's creepy.... (Great, now i'm gonna have nightmares about clowns) So anyway, once they are sort of stiff, add cream of tarter and sugar and a dash of salt and keep whipping. (Hint: if you ever plan on making a souffle, don't use this blog as a reference, get an actual recipe.)

Look at that sprinkling job.
And then it was time to fold. This is the most important part, and since I myself tend to fold under pressure, this was Quaz's job. Ahhhhhhhhh



Okay, i did it. I don't know why the most important part fell to me (who thought that was a good idea?) but i over came my obstacles, conquered that boulder, scaled the cliff, bit that bullet, climbed my mountain, and folded fairly successfully.

Then we potted and baked,(which both sound like pothead terms, but she's talking about the souffle) and YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO OPEN THE DOOR FOR 45MIN. Which i pretty much yelled at everyone. I was like, "I swear to God Harvey, if you open that fucking door, you're out of here." And Harvey refrained from opening the oven door, Thank God. My mom came home from church and she didn't even step inside before i was like, "Don't you touch that stove!!" and then she told me i was rude when i had friends over and wasn't allowed to anymore. I think (hope) this was in jest. Meanwhile we made Chantilly Lace, aka Creme Chantilly, aka Whipped Cream. I kept loosing the pages and Em like not only knew them, but knew what step was on each one... weird but helpful. You can't waste time when you're making souffle, you gotta be on top of that shit! So yeah, we did that, and then Souffle time!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


And then it started to deflate: Whaaa-waaaaaa...




This is how you cut into a souffle (which Julia also had instructions for):


This souffle was delicious, I was shoveling as Quaz finished up this blog. DE-LIC-I-OUS. That Julia Child knows what she's doing. I'll bet she'd win Top Chef if she was still around, or if they'd had it in her day, which I guess would make more sense because if she was still around she'd be pretty old and probably wouldn't be able to keep up with the other contestants. Then again, they probably wouldn't have had Top Chef in her day because reality tv competitions didn't really become popular until Survivor which only premiered about ten years ago...... Julia Child is dead right? I think yes, but in that Julie and Julia movie she was still alive because she totally dissed Julie... but that was also set like 8 years ago.... So to make a long story short. The souffle was delicious and Julia would be (or is) proud! No by the end of the movie she was dead i think. Well i love her regardless of her life status. Thanks for a delicious Souffle. Now everyone go watch Top Chef!


Rose petal for garnish (Not in the instructions).