Lawnmowers, Televisions, Porch Swings, and Fire.

I love my parents. I don't think anyone reading this can ever doubt that, but sometimes...

Ok, i know they let me live here rent free, and that's really swell of them. In fact i should just shut the fuck up right now, and take life's punches as they come. But you know what? Life's not that easy, and you did create me. I believe it legally states somewhere that you have to put up with my complaints/being a brat on the seldom occasion in which such situation presents itself. So while i do like to fix things, and am lucky enough to be somewhat apt at mechanics, I am not the house super, nor is it a position i will ever claim to want. I'm more then happy to help you out, but not over the entire course of my weekend, and not at 1am, ever.

That being said, i am the house super. 4 TV's and 2 lawnmowers, that's how i spent my weekend, if you were curious. Why did all of our tv's (well most of them) and both the lawnmowers decide to freak out at the same time? I just don't have the answer for you. I'm fairly convinced everyone in the household was taking crazy pills, and they forgot to slip me some this time. Anyway the details of these problems are unimportant/boring, and apparently the phrase, "Would you just shut up and let me think!?!" doesn't mean what i thought it did, but you know what? We made it through, we made it through. Sure Popou's brand new VCR is still on the fritz, and hey maybe you should remember where you unhook things from before you start just taking the whole riding mower apart there Phil, and Nanc... well i'll just hold my tongue on that one. The point is everything can be resolved over a nice fire, cocktails and some good music. So i made a fire:

Despite having an outdoor fire pit, Phil was forced to by this Chimay thing because apparently the open pit is illegal, whatever NJ.  Normally we go Teepee method, but i thought i'd spice it up with the log cabin effect:

But it didn't work so well and we ended up going back to TeePee. So I was like, "hey dad, let's have a fire and Pina Coladas!" And he was like, "yeah!" And then i was like, "Oh, i don't know why i just assumed we'd have stuff for that because we, in fact, don't." And he was like, "I'll go make some thing else..." Which, you guessed it! Margaritas. So then my mom comes home and this conversation happens:

Phil: Hey honey, want a tequilee?
Mom: I don't want another fucking margaritta, Lauren make me a Porch Swing.
Me: I don't think we have the stuff for that.
Mom: What do you mean?? What don't we have?
Me: Lemonade.
Mom: Well we have some frozen lemon juice in the freezer, just make that.
Me: It's frozen, how am i gonna get it out of the bottle?
Mom: Just go heat up some hot water.

So now not only do i have to make a drink during one of my favorite songs, but i have to make the most complicated fucking drink on the planet, that involves practically making tea, lemonade, simple syrup, and a martini all at once, but you know what Nanc? I did it, for you.

And i wish i had taken a fucking picture, because this drink was ridiculous. First of all the simple syrup i had in the fridge had gone to the consistancy of like carmel, so it just stuck in the bottom of the cup. So i had to make new simple syrup with the kettle water i heated to melt the lemon juice, then i put WAAAYYY too much Pimms in it, so i ended up just blending the whole thing in the bullet, it had like a white gelatinous layer at the bottom of the cup. Not my best work.

So then:

Mom: What is this?
Me: It's a Blended Porch Swing, sorry it's a little off.
Mom: I thought it was supposed to be clear, Why is it this color?
Me: Because Pimms in purple.
Mom: What's Pimms?
Me: The liquor in a Porch Swing.
Mom: What about the St. Germain?
Me: There's none of that in this drink.
Mom: What drink did you make with that?
Me: The St. Germain Coctail.
Mom: Oh, i wanted that.

Well too fucking bad, Nanc! Not even the right drink??? I missed half the fucking album to make that ridiculous thing that is not even what you wanted. Great. She had to drink it though, and she knew it too, so things settled down after that. Here's the whole fam in front of the fire:

 Anyway we were listening to some Bob Dylan and talking about music and stuff and my dad goes, "My first concert was Bob Dylan." And mom's all, "Mine was the Greatful Dead. What was your first concert Lauren?" and i was like, "Ummm either 5ive or N*Sync..." So turns out i'm the loser. So i try and redeme myself with this conversation.

Me: Did you know Bob Dylan wrote house of the rising sun, and Corina, Corina?
Dad: I just found out about it last year, i didn't know he wrote Corina though.
Mom: I did.
Dad: Sure you did Nanc, how?
Mom: Cause he's singing it right now.

Wonderful.

Then dad was like, "Do you know who actually played the guitar solo for George Harrison in My Guitar Gently Weeps?" and i was like, "Eric Clapton?" BAM! yesssssssssssss. Then he was like, "Who played Knocking on Heaven's Door for Bob Dylan's induction into the hall of fame?" and i was like, "Who?" and he's like, "Eric Clapton." Then he was like, "Who was the last guitar player to play with Jimi Hendrix?" And you know what? The the answer is Eric Clapton. Apparently he had just seen a documentary on the the man before our little fire side chat. Well played Phil Pappas, well played.

Anyway Phil literally walked into the room right now and said, "The belt on the riding mower just broke, and the new one won't start," so back to the drawing board! But you know what?

"All I am certain of right now is that I don't want to go anywhere, and that's not bad for someone who always used to run." Guess who...