Tube-Ziki

Welcome back to the bi-annual addition of I Like Making Things (because apparently i don't anymore)! That being said, I try to give my fans what they demand, so here we go!

 I'm thinking about changing the name to 9 Times Out of 10 A Mediocre Recreation of a Smitten Kitchen Recipe because that seems more accurate. So for this post i decided to paint.




Ha! JK, it's a recipe from Smitten Kitchen. Indian Spiced Cauliflower Soup!

So to start off i went to the store to get some groceries, and when i came back little did i know a monster would be waiting for me!

Oh wait, that's just ChibiCheeky (I wish she actually was the monster waiting for me!!). But what i'm actually referring to is this: 

Gigantic Beetle!!! I mean terrifying! It wasn't until i was doing laundry later that i realized Phil must have seen this too, and that was his inspiration

for painting the trashcan.With a brush no less! For texture i'm sure. Just to really bring out the beetle like qualities. 

Yesterday was Popou's birthday. He was born in 1926, so he's 96/97 because according to Popou the Greeks count the time you were in the womb as being alive, so on your birthday you're already a year old. And i don't know why this bothers me. Maybe I take issue with this because i'm taking a class on logic right now, which i hate is fine, but really:

1. You're only 9 months old at that point, maybe. So your not a year at all. Plus! it's your birthday, not your conception day, which also gross. No one wants to remember that day but your parents, maybe. But even if you were to actually figure all that out, you would still have to subtract it from 12 months and then you could call yourself that age, which is just Riddikulus. 

b) False! The Greeks don't do that.

My favorite is if you ask him he'll say in his combination greek/brooklyn accent "What's the difference? 96, 97, I'm old! Who cares."  Also, he came to this country in 1937 when he was 14 which is inaccurate according to subtraction. So either he was 11, or he was actually born in 1923 which would make him 99. 100 according to make believe "The Greeks." If i confronted Popou on this he would just say, "Loooren, Looren, Loren. Why argue?" And he's right! Why argue logic in an illogical situation? Even in discrete structures if P and Q are both false, then the statement is true. And Popou may be many things, but discrete is not one of them.

If you read the directions carefully you'll see that you are supposed to heat up the oil, put in the cumin seeds, wait 1 second, put in the fennel seeds, wait two seconds (this is actually what is says), then put in the potatoes and onions. You have no reason to walk away from the pan, because you're doing something literally every second. Except i did walk away from that pan, i sure did. I must have seen something shiny. 

So Round 2! (after failing on the actual first step).

 Success!! Time to spice it up!

Then throw in some diced tomatoes and water and simmer that shit! Except i used crushed tomatoes on account of not liking tomatoes except in cooked down sauce form. 

The recipe says you can dress with yogurt, but who likes plain yogurt? Lots of people. But if you're gonna throw in unflavored yogurt you might as well use Tzatziki (because that shit is fucking Riddikulus!)." The problem is i'm really lazy 'efficient' (I mean cut me some slack, I've just been through two weeks of exams. We're just lucky i'm already crazy.) I think this picture says it all:

*note: i rotated this in google photos then I rotated it on my phone and added it again to google photos and for some reason it's still not rotated. Fuck it.

So my Yiayia was a lovely person, and i miss her dearly. I can remember her showing me how to use a cheese cloth to thicken the yogurt over night, and how to keep tasting to make sure the balance was right, and i'm just... glad she's not around to see the way i made this Tzatziki. Because that photo and my shame are the birth of this blog title. 

So you might be saying to yourself, 'If you're that lazy, why don't you just buy a pre-made Tzatz?' 

a) They don't do the cucumbers right.

2. Garlic. 

So squeeze in some garlic. All the garlic! To the point where you're asking yourself, 'Is there yogurt, or is this just garlic paste?' 

Yes.

Then go ahead and squeeze that dill in. Like a champ! 

This is the point that i realize that like the rest of the planet, i don't like warm cucumbers. So i put some of the garlic yogurt to the side for the soup and end up with a cucumber heavy "tube-ziki." 

Also my Indian Spiced Cauliflower Soup! looks nothing like the photo in the recipe. 

When Popou likes some thing he says, "AND IT WAS A DELIGHT" angrily for some reason.

Usually he's referring to The Olive Garden, Red Lobster, or any place run by Greeks.

(**SPOILER ALERT: he did not say that about tonight's meal.) 

Anyway, i simmered the crap out of this, added salt, and wah-la!:

Discretely Delightful.

Royal Pancakes

Last Wednesday was the first day i had off from everything in three months. So oBviously i was like, "I need to start this off with some Chocolate Chip Banana Pancakes!" like it was a title. (Shout out to Gwen for teaching me how to spell bananas!)

So i sought out the most delicious recipe, made sure we had bananas, and started compiling that mixture of delight! I didn't even qUEstion if we had chocolate chips. We have had chocolate chips in this house since 1981 when my parents bought it and Nancy P. L. Pappaster moved in and graced it with her baking excellence. It wasn't even a thought...

BUT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN!

In hindsight, i was the blind one. Living through years of plentiful chocolate chip naiveté, because it was only when i got to the stage where you have to add chocolate chips that i realized there was none to be found. NONE! Alas poor Yorick, i knew them well.

But then, THEN! the brilliant light of day shined on through the kitchen window, and brought with it a simple realization: I had chocolate! And not just "chocolate," but pretty damned good chocolate in the form of a Cadbury Fruit and Nut Bar! Can you believe it? I'm still baffled.

And the recipe continued!

I've probably only made pancakes like twice in my life. This is because Phil (Philip G, if you will) loves them. He loves them! So if we're having pancakes, it's because he's made them (I personally think his best is Corn Pancakes, but DPL would disagree). So I knew to wait for the bubbles to come out of the top:

But i turned the burner on a little to high (turns out medium low is best):

  Also i made some PG tips because it's my fav tea of all time. I can only assume PG stands for Philip George, or as I like to call him: Dad. I didn't take any pictures though, because its a pretty intense process. I mean you have to steep the tea, then add sugar and just the right amount of milk (only a splash!) and really I forgot who has time for pictures?

But it came out perfectly, of course.

Here's a PG tip: Put your best looking pancake on top.

That is incredible. And edible! But don't be fooled... it's not the incredible edible egg (though they did go into the production of this fine feast)!

Nothing like delicious food, drink, and magazines to start off the day!

Here's a PG Tip: Don't eat all the dang pancakes! because it's really easy to do that, i mean throughout the day. You won't feel good about yourself after though, especially the digestion-al part of yourself. Trust me... Good thing PG himself stepped in to eat a few. Phew!

Besides, i've got to take care of myself. I'm an aunt now:

Get some moxie and go epoxy!

   It's crazy how you can just type in "What rhymes with epoxy" and a list of words and definitions will appear before you. I didn't think I was going to be the first person to try to rhyme epoxy, but apparently I'm not even close. I'm like the millionth person to try and rhyme epoxy. And, like, what kind of a crazy world are we living in that one million people are trying to find words that rhyme with epoxy. This crazy world. And you may ask yourself, "How did i get here?" But let the days go buy and you may find yourself the millionth and oneth person to need a rhyme for epoxy. You probably won't You just might.

  I really want to build a boat. That has nothing to do with this post except that upon researching "How to build a Boat" i discovered that fiberglass comes in sheet form. Who knew.

 So my car bumper is falling off.

About three months after i bought it brand new i was driving on The Parkway and this car in front of me suddenly zooms to the left, drives off the pavement then pulls back right over the slight curb and zooms all the way to the right, crashes into the side divider zooms back to the middle and quickly decelerates directly in front of me. So i cut over to the left lane and it lightly touches my front bumber, and just barely knicks three of my right side pannels. The car behind me i guess didn't notice what was going one because it slammed right into the other car. They lived. 

Anyway my bumper seemed fine except for my fog light cover popping off, so i didn't have it checked out because my parents said it would raise my insurance, which is not true because my insurance wouldn't have been the one paying for it, which is why you shouldn't always listen to your parents. That's what google's for. 

This was two years ago, and my bumper has gradually been falling off ever since. The right fog light cover finally popped off on a road trip i took a few weeks ago, and that was the final straw for me to stop ignoring this problem. 

I got an estimate at the dealership and the price of a new bumper is $150, shipping is $200 (WTF?), installation is $100, and also it doesn't come painted so that's between $100-$200.  Lets say it would have cost me $600 plus a new fog light cover at $30. 

So i don't have a spare $600 at the moment as schools about to start and that shit's expensive. But i did just learn about fiberglass in sheet form (see how that worked) and epoxy. $13 to cover those costs. 

So, with a new found determination guided by a savings of 587 dollars or 97.8% (according to math)  i threw open the front door and greeted the day with a hard stomp to my car, a look of sheer moxie (Moxie means determination, if you didn't know. You could find out by googling what rhymes with epoxy. The answers include the definitions. Moxie is also a gross interpretation of cola.), and a cup of mediocre coffee. 

I got just past popping the hood before i had to break down and google. You see there are these weird plastic screw things without screw heads: 

And i couldn't figure out how to get them out without breaking them, which is what i was about to do. 

The trick is to jimmy them up with a flat headed screw driver between the circle and the screw. Which had previously been my downfall. It seems so simple now... 

The thing is some of them come up with no problem and some of them have, like, melted together overtime and are a real bear (not literally). There are like 14 of them surrounding the whole bumper (exactly 14) and when you're lying on your back with the fear of pulling a screw driver down into your arm or face and causing a bloody mess and the annoying voice in your head from yelling, "Game off!" they're especially annoying. And just when you finally get them all off and are like: Success!

You realize the fog lights are attached to the bumper with rusty bolts that fit nothing in your ratchet set (as you can tell from the totally clear picture above). Luckily I've encountered this problem before with the break lights, and found that there is a size of socket between the two sizes of socket that almost fit, that actually fits perfectly on all light related bolts.  Mine says 10 HUSKY and i forget what the actual size is, but probs 10mm if i had to wager a guess. Luckily i never will have to because i keep that socket head hidden in my trunk with all the other parts i buy specifically for my car where no one can find them under the trunk carpet in the spare tire... oh. Well, if it's not there next time i'll know it's because you stole it for a lighting bolt related issue (and not because i forgot to put it back) you bastard. 

As you can see the bumper is pretty broken. The gap isn't supposed to be there. There's also another hanging piece close to the middle that i can't show you without showing my licence plate which i won't... fully.  (also i'm too lazy to photoshop).

So above is the driver side bottom panel where the bumper is attached. It's a 90 degree angle from the wheel well which you can obviously tell from this picture that was taken to accent the angle (except not). 

The passenger side is more like a 231 degree angle because it's broke.

This is what a car looks like without a bumper:

Totally trashy right? Which is funny because this car is in excellent shape. This is why you can't judge a book by it's cover, and you can't judge a car without a bumper. So if you see a car driving without a bumper you should know in your heart that that car will be pulled over as soon as a cop sees it because that's illegal.

Epoxy!

So you just squirt, mix, and spread the epoxy on the broken parts:

And cover it with the fiberglass strips (according to the rules i just made up):

it takes 5 min to hold into place, 20 min to dry, and 24 hours to confirm dry-mation. With the car itself i held it in place for 5 min, which is a really long time when your holding two pieces of plastic together and wondering if your fingers are going to get stuck together like that time you made dream catchers with crazy glue and you had to basically rip them apart under very hot water and now your finger prints are different (except not really because they grow back the same unless there's a scar through them (in case you thought that was a good idea for crime-ing (twins that have the same DNA can only be told apart by there fingerprints which are different for reason science cannot explain (or at least the FBI detective that was giving us a tour of the Hoover building could not explain when asked by an 11 year old (me))))).  Then was like, "Fuck that." So i used packaging tape to hold it together on the bumper because its relatively strong and you can see through it. It's not just for packages ok? jeese. 

I then epoxied and fiber-glassed until it formed it's original shape (or pretty dang close!).

Also I used a clamp on the one side, which is that orange blur on the right. Anyway i let it sit 20 min then put it back on.

Then i'll let it sit 24 hours just so it's for sure dry. So when the fog light cover comes in next week i think it'll look pretty good from far away, which is what i was going for. Plus i found a bumper from a replica sight for $150 with free shipping but they're totally out of stock so hopefully this will hold be over until there not. Anyway ta-Da! Plus:

Sense of accomplishment: a bagillion % (according to math).

So job done, i washed off my hand:

ate a waffle cone:

and looked up a rhyme for epoxy.

Serial-ly?

If you spent New Years Day building car models and listening to the entire Serial broadcast, then you're in good company. If you didn't... well i guess we can't all be super cool. Don't worry, you can work on it.

I woke up this morning like usual (bright as the summer's sun), and i went down stairs for a cup of coffee like usual (without falling), and low and behold i run into Phil who informs me that "The Google is broken again." (This is a 100% accurate quote.) But the case of 'The broken Google' was a mere aperitif to the true mystery of 'Why was the wireless router unplugged?'  Because it actually never needs to be. And i mean not unplugged just from the wall, but from, like, everything and left there like a dead prostitute in the gutter. Poor thing. Probably came from a broken home, never truly appreciated for it's worth or capabilities of providing the entire span of the house hold with lighting fast internet Google. Unfortunately this will probably be riddle that got away from us, the true answer floating gently through the breeze, just fingertips out of reach.

 Before we get started, let me just explain something: DPL is the crafting champion. Example: For Christmas we got these crazy Japanese candies that you make from water and powder, and they turn out looking like foods. Here:

 

I got a burger one, and Chloe got... i think donuts? (You can't win 'um all Chlo.)

Also these things taste gross. They, like, attempt to actually taste like the food you're making, except they're candy. That "coke" tastes like flat coke and Robitussin, and i fucking hate tussin. gross. Right DPL?

Anyway...  (except like 20 min later, because every time i go to type i see this photo again and i can't stop giggling like a school girl long enough to type, a true gem.) you get the drift. But we got a few that were "Design your own creatures." So DPL, Scotty, and i each did one:

Guess which one's DPL's. I made something that's supposed to be a squid but looks like an Alien from Alien and Scotty made some gross blobs (which is actually surprising for him, because he's usually pretty good at this stuff). But i posted this on Facebook, and no one was surprised. In fact, they knew which one i did, because despite using a mold, all my craft projects have this certain element about them, that you can just tell i did it. I could put up a project in the middle of 100 others, and DPL and KSB would be able to pick it out, no problem. It's the Lauren factor, and it's just indescribable (like the mark of a true artist).

That being said my car model was the best, and i'm not just serious, i'm HIV positive (but not really, duh).

So of course we didn't take any fucking pictures of it. So when i went to take it out of the box today, to properly document it's place in history:

Cool. oBviously. duh. 

Anyway Scotty totally geeked out and did a DeLorean. (shocker, i know).

Which looks pretty awesome. Nice job Scotty. 

Here's DPL's:

I mean right? Way to boff that one. (but actually one of the reasons her shit looks so much better is because she fucking takes her time with it. Seriously though, like half the speed on this occasion).

But I'm gonna fucking finish that shit! Don't worry wo, i got you. 

Apparently, i'm also going to watch the entire series of Black Mirror, which is about fucked up things that could happen because of technology. Also Domhnall Gleeson from About Time is in one of the episodes and if you've never seen About Time you need to seriously find the quickest way possible to go about watching it (like, right now), because your life is incomplete. Sorry i had to be the one to tell you, but: truth.

Anyway, it's nuts. But like think about Serial for a minute. I have, i've probably thought about it pretty regularly for the past month, especially after i just finished it. I have all kinds of opinions, and if you want to talk about it, let's do it! But here's the thing... It's kind of fucked up. I mean maybe you're helping an innocent man be free, maybe you're not. Maybe you're helping to convict someone who's gotten away with something for so long, but maybe you're just kind of ripping his life apart. The thing is, it's kind of everywhere. I can listen to it, read about it, write about it, proclaim my opinions to the world, and the world can do all of that too. And whether that's okay or not, to be honest, i'm not really sure. Maybe it's because i've dedicated so much of my day to Black Mirror, i don't know, i'm not a doctor, but I wonder if it's not just one more step closer in that crazy technology possibility direction. 

Czech this shit out:

Like... fucking beautiful. tears.

We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.

      Life! I'm pretty sure we're taking about life here. I'm almost positive. almost. Fucking Hemminway and shit. Also fucking life and shit... am i right??


This is where I start stuff:

...and sometimes finish it (Hey! like this blog post i started two weeks ago and you to post on twice a week. Remember that? The golden age.) Because i fucking love making things, dUh. oBvioulsy. Anyway: i've got like one hundred projects going on like lamps and sewing and collages and moon jars and:

Silk Screening! Boom.

This is something i've been trying to do for a while...  forever... 2007. At the time  i was working at a post house in SF, and my friend Kat was like "There's this silk screening class..." and i was like, "What's that?" then, "Let's go" and then i didn't. True story.

But also i've been talking about doing it for the last six months, and gradually picking up the supplies. So actually i was going to do my laundry but:

no one disturbs Harvey. motivation attained.

The last two things i needed was a t-shirt and fabric for the screen. So first i went to target to get a trendy travel coffee mug and since Michael's is near by it was like the heavens shown through the sky, lighting a path to a crafty haven where all my silk screening dreams could come true.

Except they don't sell fabric, who knew? So instead i bought a black t-shirt which was perfect until i realized i bought black shirt paint. Cool. No point in going to Michael's whatsoever. probably just street lamps anyway.

Luckily i had to go to Joanne fabric anyway for fabric (duh) and got some nylon that will hopefully work for my screen (but i don't know because you have to get the right gauge, and that's too complicated for me/it wasn't listed), so i picked up a grey shirt. Also they have crazy sales.

4 dollars! (two paper routes).

So then i actually had to build the screen. Phil was wondering around the house like, "give me something to do," so i did.

Also fucking nature, right?

It's like a giant ice cup that you'd never want to drink out of.

Anyway, Phil cut the wood perfectly on the lines i gave him, just like we all knew he would. Also the batteries for the screw gun were dead, so i just stapled it. Wa-la!:

Perfect. (clearly a Pappas production) Also now i can make the vale i've always dreamed of! (jk, jk.)

so then i built a light box out of about 50 cents of aluminum foil and 12 dollars of packaging tape (figures not accurate).

If you want to learn to silk screen yourself i used this website.

Now i just need a dark room. Luckily there's a creepy attic off my room which is perfect for darkness and horrifying children. (I don't even want to talk about the sounds that come from these walls at night)

It even has the fan they say is good for drying the photo emulsion paint for the screen (like it was meant to be).

So i started painting the screen, and of course it's just dripping through, and of course Nanc comes up to use the computer and is like, "What the fuck are you doing now?" and of course i'm covered with paint and of course she's like, "Lauren, the printer doesn't work." And of course it doesn't. This is the life and times of Lauren Pappas after all. But it actually does work if you know how to use a computer, which one of us does.

My screen was not getting covered at all in paint and i was like, "I failed!" but *spoiler alert: everything was okay... maybe.

You have to let your screen sit for a few hours in pitch dark, so in the meantime i made breakfast oatmeal pumpkin cookies i found on pintrest. All you need is this (salt not included):

Except raisins, cause fuck them. Am i right? 

Also totally passed the time watching Phil in his natural habitat.

Anyway:

Ta-da! (except really i had another 2 hours so i binge watched girls).

So this next part i can only talk about because it had to happen in the dark, and in this case, the pitch dark of night (aka 6pm). I put the transparency and a piece of glass over it into the light box, threw a beach towel over it, and turned on the light box. Because i used 40 watt bulbs, it should only take 16 min...

and there was nothing. So i left it for half an hour and: 

Nothing. I was like, "What the fuck?" So i asked this girl at work who's like an artist and stuff and she was like, "Um... did you wash it?" And no, cause why would i do that? that requires, like, following the directions.

 

So it sort of worked, but it all sort of didn't. 

I mean clearly there's an image there, but there's also a ton of bubble holes for paint to slip through:

Also the photo emulsion paint totally dripped through the bottom.

Needless to say, this isn't going to work. Smaller gauge, longer burn time, wash the screen. To be continued.

So clearly now I'm a master silk screen-er. clearly. Nailed it. But if Hemminway's right, then we are all just apprentices in this great circle of life. 

NaaaaaaAAAA siBenyA! Na ba ti sicha pa...

sitchiko benya, oh yeah benyaaaaaa...