Julia Child: That bitch knew what was up.

Okay everybody, okay. Tonight is probably the biggest night in culinary history ever... ever! Because, duh, Top Chef All-Stars Finale!!! OMG! OMFG (if you're the Ca radio version)! Anyway this is a tough competition, and so we went for a tough thing to make: Julia Child's Chocolate Souffle, bitches!! Here's Em in purple: In all my years of baking I don't believe I have ever attempted a souffle, mostly because I avoid cooking things I can't spell, but also because there is such a high risk of failure. What could be more embarrassing than a deflated souffle? Luckily, the only people we have here to judge us are Quaz's parents and Harvey. Speaking of judging, how about that Top Chef finally tonight! If you don't know by now, we are Team Blais! I wonder if Richard is going to have to make a souffle tonight.....

God i hope not. But let me tell you something, if i(we) can make a damn souffle, then Richard Fucking Blais can win Top Chef. No doubt.

We started by melting some chocolate with some hot water and coffee. Double boiler style.


Then we mixed some shit (Cornstarch, milk, and sugar) forever on the stove until it thickened and boiled. Added the egg yolks, and the chocolate, and whipped away:


Then egg white time (Note: Whenever you see mixing in this post you'll notice i'm beating the shit out of everything with my entire life force, and Em is sitting comfortably next to the Kitchen Aid. How that worked out, i'm still not sure).


It's not laziness my friends, it's called efficiency. Plus it allowed me to multi task and read the directions for the next step to Quaz for the third time. So once the egg whites look like a "slightly stiff clown's hat that's folded over".....or something like that, maybe the " " shouldn't be there because that's not a direct quote, but I remember something about a clown's hat and thought well Julia, that's creepy.... (Great, now i'm gonna have nightmares about clowns) So anyway, once they are sort of stiff, add cream of tarter and sugar and a dash of salt and keep whipping. (Hint: if you ever plan on making a souffle, don't use this blog as a reference, get an actual recipe.)

Look at that sprinkling job.
And then it was time to fold. This is the most important part, and since I myself tend to fold under pressure, this was Quaz's job. Ahhhhhhhhh



Okay, i did it. I don't know why the most important part fell to me (who thought that was a good idea?) but i over came my obstacles, conquered that boulder, scaled the cliff, bit that bullet, climbed my mountain, and folded fairly successfully.

Then we potted and baked,(which both sound like pothead terms, but she's talking about the souffle) and YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO OPEN THE DOOR FOR 45MIN. Which i pretty much yelled at everyone. I was like, "I swear to God Harvey, if you open that fucking door, you're out of here." And Harvey refrained from opening the oven door, Thank God. My mom came home from church and she didn't even step inside before i was like, "Don't you touch that stove!!" and then she told me i was rude when i had friends over and wasn't allowed to anymore. I think (hope) this was in jest. Meanwhile we made Chantilly Lace, aka Creme Chantilly, aka Whipped Cream. I kept loosing the pages and Em like not only knew them, but knew what step was on each one... weird but helpful. You can't waste time when you're making souffle, you gotta be on top of that shit! So yeah, we did that, and then Souffle time!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


And then it started to deflate: Whaaa-waaaaaa...




This is how you cut into a souffle (which Julia also had instructions for):


This souffle was delicious, I was shoveling as Quaz finished up this blog. DE-LIC-I-OUS. That Julia Child knows what she's doing. I'll bet she'd win Top Chef if she was still around, or if they'd had it in her day, which I guess would make more sense because if she was still around she'd be pretty old and probably wouldn't be able to keep up with the other contestants. Then again, they probably wouldn't have had Top Chef in her day because reality tv competitions didn't really become popular until Survivor which only premiered about ten years ago...... Julia Child is dead right? I think yes, but in that Julie and Julia movie she was still alive because she totally dissed Julie... but that was also set like 8 years ago.... So to make a long story short. The souffle was delicious and Julia would be (or is) proud! No by the end of the movie she was dead i think. Well i love her regardless of her life status. Thanks for a delicious Souffle. Now everyone go watch Top Chef!


Rose petal for garnish (Not in the instructions).

T.G.I. your mother

So the A&P by my house is closing soon (when is up for debate) but they're having crazy sales. So yesterday my mom was like, "let's go, maybe you can get some stuff for your blog!" and i was like, "Okay, you're right!" and two hours later you were wrong, and by you i mean me. It was THE worst, especially since i had already spent 8 hours in a grocery store that day, and been up since 3am. But anyway we made it through, we made it through. One of the products we invested in was this:
Because i was like, 'Hey at 3am, i can just toast this and go!!" But two things failed here, 1: i don't like to eat in the morning, which probably should have occurred to me. 2: when i was forcing one of these down I realized that the inside is most definitely Philadelphia cream cheese, and the outside is most definitely cardboard. I used to love crap like this, and while i'm glad my pallet has improved, i'm also sad i can't enjoy the simple pleasures of crappy frozen food anymore. It's a rough life.

When DPL, Scotty, and I used to be stranded at our house during college break or whatever, we used to have 'parties' in my parent's basement. This basically meant a 12 pack, Jeopardy! the board game, and some frozen appetizers (unquestionably Jalapeno poppers, mozzarella sticks, and pizza bagels) which they used to have in one million brands, but apparently now only have as TGI Friday's, which is terrible. Also one time one of the beers was skunkie and i kept trying to give it to Scotty as he progressively got drunker throughout the night, but he was on to me by the end. You're a quick one, Scotty L.

So today i was like, 'I'm gonna do it!' and by that i meant make Jalapeno poppers. So i busted out the old Cool Daddy Pro and Grapefruit juice, found a recipe, and my journey began.


Shred:
1/4 cup chedder
1/4 cup jack
1/4 cup gruyere

Shove into 4 (9?) Jalapeno's that have been de-seeded, stemmed, and sliced down the side.


Now i know my sister's gonna read this blog and be all, "Why'd you use chedder, you know cream cheese is the better filling!" and so i put some to the side thinking we had cream cheese at home which we did, barely. So DPL this one is for you.

mix batter with one egg, one cup flour, and 1/2 a beer. Season with salata y peppery. Dip, then fry, but not at 375 cause that's too hot. Try 325, i think.


Then enjoy with ranch dressing, and beverage of choice (also the cream cheese stuffed are(is) far superior, no question):

And in the infamous words of Scotty L, "Quick, eat it before it turns back to cheese!"

Here's a Harvey shot just because:

Somewhere in the city of NY there's cheap honey.

I've never been to a Renaissance fair before, and to be honest with you i'm kind of 50/50 about it. I mean the people watching has got to be absolutely top of the line, but it would mean actually going to a Ren-fair. ANyway i bring this up because today i made mead, because why wouldn't I? Really though there's an entire chapter dedicated to it in my Strong Water's book, so it had to happen eventually.

Of course you need honey, and my mom was like: Flanders A&P is going out of business, sA-Le! And my dad was like: No, Popou knows a place where you can get really cheap honey.
Which, why does Popou know this? And more so why does my Dad know that he knows? There's just so many questions. So i was like: Hey Popou, do you know a place where i can get really cheap honey? And he was like: What are you talking about? And my dad was like: You know, that place in NY. And he was like: I forget, i'm 92 years old! (Which is how he ends every 5th sentence. Also he's only really 90, don't be fooled). Anyway apparently at some place in NYC you can buy really cheap honey, which won't be hard to find at all! But then my mom pulled out this free pass to BJ's Wholesale Club (Which, really? That's the name you settled on?) and we got like 4 pounds for $5. What a steal! That, some yeast nutrient, wine tannins (apparently you can use black tea) and champagne yeast and you're on your way:

I gave Popou a bottle of Heff-A-What! and he was like: Good taste, but less with the, uhh, bubble. Popou always tries whatever i make, and has some great criticism for it. I mean sometimes he's right, but really the man can't even boil water, and he's telling me to figure out how to under carbonate my beer? Alright Popou.

Bring everything but the champagne yeast to a simmer with water for 10 min.

Skim the foam. I'm making a Strawberry Melomel, so you also need 9 cups of those:
Put in a straining bag, and squeeze the shit out of it:
Then wash your hand because it looks like you just murdered someone. Add the honey mix, wait for it to cool, pitch the yeast. I had too much honey stuff, so i poured some in another bucket and am going to make Rhodomel which is the ancient greek drink with rose petals in it, how romantic. Anyway you don't add them until later, but i thought why not enjoy some roses for the week, and bought some today. Then i was all: Hey mom! got you these roses... And she was reading and like: That's nice honey. So obvs she wasn't listening to me, which i would have been upset about if i actually bought them for her, but with the current situation it's somewhat unjustified.
This is going to take like 6 months to be ready between primary and secondary fermenters and a lonnnnnnnnngggggg bottling process. I hate waiting. Also i don't really like honey, so it'll be interesting to see how this turns out. I might be having a mead give away, or hey! i could always sell it at the next Ren-fair! perf.

Anyway while i was waiting for the honey to cool, Harvey decided to entertain me by jumping up on the counter and being all, "What's going on over here?"


I'll just play with some dust:


And fall backwards off the counter:


She's OK guys, she's O-kay.

Beer: The everyman's beverage.

HI! kerrie here, reporting from the pappas kitchen as i venture into the great world of beer making. lauren has been kind and gentle thus far, seeing as i am as much help as her cat harvey. we're making a pale ale and i couldn't be more excited. well i'm already more excited because we have been researching all the other delicious beverages we will be making in the future. there has been a lot of number crunching and measuring out of things which i'm not at all good at, but i'm great at making a mess and having a good time.

So last time i made this beer it was good, but it lacked some body in the middle, so i just kind of made up new measurements, so we'll see... we'll see. Anyway we measured out the grains:



Then soaked them for 45 min at about 155f and now we've just added the malt:


and are waiting for it to boil, but not over boil which is common/likely.

and did in face happen.

Today i woke up and was like: what am i going to do with my life today? and then i got this text that said DAYLIGHT!! and i was like, 'What is this about?' but it was really the second text in a series about KMac never seeing me in the daylight, which is true. So Obvs i was like i've been trying to find time to do this for a week, so come over and we'll brew! But you have to leave at 4 because i have work. Then my mom busted in and was like "You're eating beef stew for lunch! i have a ton of it." and i was like, "Well Kmac's coming over." and she was like, "Well she's eating it too then- no exceptions." so good thing Kmac's not a veggie, or she and my mom would have had words.

I just got this book about bar-tending stuff, and it has some flair stuff in it including the Sex Pour, that KMac just discovered.
well, if you really want to impress your friends and family, the sex pour really is the only way to go. it's rather technical, but in a nutshell you swing the bottle around your head wildly and then pour a shot. BAM, you're a professional. you're welcome. apparently you should do it when there are no people or things around so you don't seriously injure anyone, but where's the flair in that? so, we've decided to hone our skills as flair bartenders and will be showcasing them at a backyard bbq near you. might i add, the scent of making beer is inexplicable and wonderful.

It is really nice, it smells like bread making but more intense. I can't wait.

so, nancy pappas is a saint. she made a delicious stew for us to consume, and i was able to enjoy it with homemade bread by the lovely lp and washed it all down with a lively glass of her homemade cider (luckily the cider didn't take her eye out when she popped the top). nothing like a 100% homemade meal, so fucking rustic it hurts.


True, but what can you do? Anyway at this point we're adding the hops every few minuets for flavor/aroma/alc.


And then we wait for it to cool, and i'll probs pitch the yeast when i get home from work tonight. Good times.

good times, indeed. i really had nothing of interest to add here, but sometimes i like talking just to talk, too. Who doesn't?

Piki-touille

I took my time getting out of bed today. It's like: hmmm i could get up, or i could lay here FORever. Anyway i eventually made my way downstairs (it's like 10:30), and my dad's pacing the halls then he stops when he sees me and is like, "Good! You're up. I need you to take me to pick up the truck, i didn't want to wake your mother." Which is fine, i mean maybe i wouldn't be stomping up and down the corridor outside her room, but what do i know? nothin'.

This is what my mom wakes up to at least 4 days a week. Dad set's out breakfast, tea, and the mail for her... and TWO spoons! What a sweetheart (I am not privileged to this treatment, but he still makes me pancakes in the shape of mickey sometimes).

So i'm like, "Ok, let me just get dressed." And he's like, "NO TIME!" but assures me i don't have to get out of the car. So we're driving there and this pothole encrusted road by my house is going to be under construction next week, and of course it's like the main road out of our 'valley' so i was like, "how do i get around this?" and he's like, "Oh i'll show you, just turn right here." And i was like, isn't this out of our way? I thought you were in a hurry," and he was like, "Are you kidding? I have all day to pick up the truck." Which: why couldn't i get dressed then? Really? it takes me like two seconds. I only have two outfits, one of them for work. Anyway he's like, "Well forget it, i'll show you later."

So we get there, and it looks closed, and (harvey just totally put her butt in my face. Thanks buddy) it actually isn't, but my dad's nervous, so i'm like, "Oh, i'll wait, and you wave to me if everything's okay." So he goes inside, the guy greets him, they walk into the back area, and i'm like, 'ok, do i need to stay?' But now i'm nervous so like 10min later they come out and start inspecting my car, and it's like, 'what is going on?' And the guy has me turning the wheels and shit. Anyway suddenly my dad taps on the window, and is like, "You won't need new tires until fall." Which, Ok dad. Thanks for the random information. "Okay, i'm going to the store," i reply, and he's like, "OK." but obvs doesn't hear me because he follows me to the light, into the turn lane, and i roll down my window and shout, "I'm going to the store, the opposite way you're supposed to go." But he's totally jamming out to frank sinatra (and by Frank Sinatra i mean the St Patricks Day CD he made two days ago, and will not stop playing still) or something, because his elbows are flying around, and he doesn't even notice me. So i turn with the light, and it like dawns on him because he totally turns last minute and cuts of two lanes of traffic (fortunately there was no one there).

So i'm off to the store, and first i go to this new bakery in town for some fresh bread, but apparently they're a cupcake only joint, and i felt like a looser not knowing that/buying anything/shopping in my pajamas, so i got three which better be fucking delicious for what i paid (they were).

My dad saw this box, put the cupcakes in a different container, and was like, "I'm keeping this, it's cute."

Anyway then i went to the health food store cause i like to drink Kambucha once in a while, but they were out, and really health food store? You only sell two things that you can't buy in any other store, and you're out of one of them? Anyway eventually i made it home and couldn't decide whether to make Ratatouille or Pikilia (Greek dish with veggies sauted in olive oil and garlic) so i sort of combined them.

Sautee garlic and onions in skillet, and add your veggies. I used zucchini, yellow squash, eggplant (which i mostly hate), and parsnips because what the fuck is a parsnip? It's like an intense carrot is the answer, and i'm sort of in love with them now. My dad saw half of the eggplant on the counter and was like, "What's wrong with you?" Anyway it smelled really good, but then my mom started making beef stew for the church which smelled like raw meat (gross) and dad was like, "are you going to make some for us too?" and mom was like, "I wasn't." And my dad's face totally fell, so my mom was like, "But now i am," and he was like, "I'm going to get a big chunk of bread, and wipe the whole bowl." That conversation is accurate. Also come on mom, you know beef stew is his fav. The man sets up breakfast for you every morning, for christ's sake!

Season with salta, peppery, and oregano. Add tomato sauce, and re-season.

mix, put in casserole dish, and here is the Eric Ripert genus move:

crack some eggs on the top, season (again and for the rest of your life) and bake at 450f until cooked to your liking. This makes everything SO much better. Oh man, I love eggs! From my head down to my legs.


B E A Utiful. Dad started eating and was like, "what's this yellow stuff, peach?" and i was like, "No, it's an egg." and he was like, "I'm so confused." Which pretty much has been his mood all day, but hey, it turned out great for me. Except the whole pajama thing.

What I forgot, you don't know!

Today started with my mom yelling, "Lauren!" Which she normally
reserves for later in the day, but basically our conversation was,
"Get the fuck up and help me." Which entitled an amazing trip to Party
City (including a light-up green feather bow), and too many hours at ShopRite to recap. I may have scrubbed the kitchen floor on my knees, i don't even remember anymore. Anyway...
eventually we 'party,' which basically means my parents and three oftheir closest friends get drunk, and my grandpa talks about his life.A certain bff of my mom may be passed out on the living-room love seat. Anyway LK came over to experience the rediculousness that is my
life. She's writing in burgundy because that's the color of the wine (blood from previous stabbing) stain in her car.

A certain bff of LP's mom is definitely passed out on the living room
(no hyphen, LP) love seat as we speak. Anyway, LP was like 'Hey, so my
parents are having people over for dinner, you probably don't want to
come...' but she's crazy because it has been one of my personal
short-term goals to meet her dad after reading about him on her blog.
So we drank some beer and had a delicious corned beef and
cabbage/potatoes/carrots dinner and stuff and it was great fun. BUT,
what LP neglected to mention was how unbelievably amazing and
hilarious Papou is. Papou is 91, sharp as a tack, and just adorable.
He told us great stories about his days as an actor and meeting some
archbishop or something (I don't know, the Greeks are confusing), and
then yelled at LP's parents' friend who claimed to know some Greek,
"What I forgot, you don't know!" Also, I met Harvey (LOVE!), and saw
LP's hot tub and gazebo, all in all a really great night.

We have a gazebo because my dad needs a place to hide from my mom when she's doing things (on a rampage). If my mom's doing things, you are too. Anyway my family's pretty crazy, but you gotta love them, and Popou is one in a million. There's nothing quite like St.Patty's day with the folks. I guarentee you they're more interesting then your local Irish pub.

Happy St. P's day!!

We make sushi... eventually.

*Note: this blog is actually from forever ago, but i didn't get access to the pictures until today.

So i woke up this morning to my dad shouting, "Popou's waiting for you to take him out to breakfast!" and i was like, "Yeah, at ten, it's 9:30." and he's like, "Yeah." Because if you take my grandpa out you'd better be ready half an hour in advance. Anyway that happened and then my mom went crazy and compiled a list of tasks for me to do, which took until like now. Eventually i made it over to Em's house where she, her sister L, and I made stuff. Here's Em in purple as usual.

So when I texted Quaz asking what we were making tonight the answer was: the ultimate sandwich with fries! and milkshakes! That is not however what we ended up making. So my doorbell rings and there is Quaz with a homemade Heffa-what AND a lemon slice! This is why we are friends. So after much debate and discussion it was decided that in honor (and complete, sensitive solidarity) of what is going on in Japan right now we would make sushi! And so the fun begins!

Do you realize Japan's about to explode? Because it is, which is terrible. This was the topic of conversation my mom chose to go with when she got home from work, and i was like, "did i do everything you wanted?" And she's like, "Lauren, let's talk about Japan." Anyway it sucks, and i'm sad about it, so we decided to do a blog in humility to Japan.

So Em was like, "What's Japanese? Saki bombs?" and L was like, "Yeah, and sushi." and a blog was born. So we go shopping for ingredients, and i swear it was like we were buying a house. No one wanted to make a decision/knew what to do. We were at the liquor store (L had to wait in the car(I was the getaway driver)) and i was like, "Okay we need Sapporo" and Em was like: "What's that?"


Then we got that and started looking for Sake and the liquor store guy who knew everything about sake (but really nothing) tried to talk to us for an hour, but then i saw this sake called Fuk-i, and was like, "that's it." So then Em was like, "Why do we need the beer?" and i was like, "For the saki bomb." and she was like, "Yeah, what is that?" and i was like: "THIS WAS YOUR IDEA!"

I think it was called Fu-ki and Quaz was pretty amazing at getting out of the what could have been an hour long conversation about saki with the guy in the liquor store. He started telling a story and Quaz goes "This one looks good" and so ended the conversation (it was called Fu-ki, duh. Also not the cheapest, but not the most expensive either... decision made). Nice. So then we needed to get something to eat just in case the sushi was not filling enough for 3 people or in case it didn't come out right(back up food; I've learned the hard way this is always a good idea). So the obvious choice was the new japanese restaurant in town. But after one look at their ridiculously priced menu we opted for a pizza instead. Which was also a 20 min discussion that ended in one small plain pizza (that's because you wanted eggplant, tomato and olives on your pizza. Eughh). Side note, I thought saki bomb simply meant a shot of saki. Also I got reprimanded for recommending carrots for the sushi which apparently is wrong... unless they are pickled... So with ingredients for sushi, ingredients for saki bombs and a small cheese pizza, we headed home.

Where we immediately chow down on pizza. I swear to god i wasn't hungry until Em got in the car with that pie, then i instantly was about to eat my hand.


Also we watch the video from the grammy's of Ce Lo Green and Gweneth Paltrow, because Em was like, "I can't remember if i dreamed this video of a giant disco ball with peacock feathers dancing with muppets and Gweneth Paltrow, or if that actually happened." Turns out, it did. So now it's SBT: Saki Bomb Time!!! At this point i set up the shots, then go to the bathroom, and when i come back her parent's are home and she's sitting by herself in front of two bombs... priceless (a usual night for them, now that I'm at college).

Nothing like having your parents walk in on you sitting at the kitchen table with a beer, a six pack of other beer, a bottle of saki, 2 saki bombs locked and loaded and your 19 year old sister standing in front of you with a camera (I'm 18 you asshole). The best part though was explaining what we were about to do and then hearing my dad re-explain it to my other sister on the phone. And so we saki-bombed! or rather I accidentally knocked my shot into my glass:


and Quaz made fun of me and then after she did her's correctly we apparently raced to finish them, which I didn't know so I had about half of mine and then Quaz finished her's and starred at me in disbelief. And so we had to saki-bomb again, this time correctly.


So we, and by we I mean Quaz counted down from 3 in japanese (how she knows Japanese, I have no idea) and then slam our fists on the table and chug our saki bombs, I of course have to pause and celebrate by laughing to myself after the saki bomb actually works and Quaz gets a head start on the saki bomb (What actually happened was i smoked Em yet again, and then she finished hers like an hour later but somehow still had an untouched half shot of sake in it. How she did this, i have no idea).


And then just for research purposes we try a shot of the saki alone (Gross), just to see what it tastes like.... result: saki bombs are better.

So finally we make sushi, which takes about two seconds. Here's L to tell you about it in teal:

I've taken over blogging because the other two have gotten too distracted by the Top Chef finale (apparently not finale) to type. This font is hard to read. Especially after 2 sake bombs, one homemade beer, one saki shot and half another beer. We had already made the sushi rice, which was normal rice plus some rice wine vinegar (Though it should have really been 'sushi rice' which is a short grained variety, but bagged uncle ben's worked just fine, thanks).


Then all you need is avocado, cucumber, canned crab, nori (that green seaweed stuff) and one of those bamboo roll-up thingies. So we may have gotten most of the things we needed out of a homemade (store-bought) sushi box, but that's besides the point.

So, in our support for Japan, we decided to go with traditional California rolls (there must be some connection between earthquakes and sushi). First Quaz rolled rice out onto the seaweed, then I cut the avocado and cucumber (which is a big step up from my usual cooking contribution... standing in the kitchen).


Our next step was, logically, to put salt and pepper on all the ingredients individually and eat about half of our supply (for future reference, salt and pepper on avocado, cucumber and/or rice- all delicious).True story. But this step isn't really in the recipe. It is now.

After that the rest is pretty self explanatory- cover seaweed with layer of rice, pile avocado, crab meat and cucumbers in the middle, roll it up:



and, if you have time, cut the role into slices before shoving in your mouth. That last part is key. The End.

Party Planning 2011

So today is an awesome day, because my friend SJ is throwing a party for the release of Heff-a-WHat??

The day started with SJ texting me at 9:30 in the morning, like a crazy person, which she proceed to be throughout the day. Anyway i basically filled a cooler with beer, my beer, and the skittle vod, and was on my way to get KMac, who is our KABlogger of the evening, in green.

my day started with a whole lot of NOTHING! and that is just the way i like it. eventually when i got out of my coma, i contacted lp to get this party started! she planned on being at my apartment at 445 so when it turned 450 i automatically thought she was dead. spoiler alert: she wasn't. so after she chased me down with her car and she had a heart to heart to heart with my boyfriend/her lover (I FUcking LOVE Emilio.) we went along our merry way to the happiest place on earth: pathmark.

AKA Ghetto pathmark. KMac lives in kind of a sketch place (UNDERSTATEMENT), and really my licence plate might as well have said rape me. ANyway eventually i was surrounded by friends who are much stronger then i am, and felt a-okay. So we got to Pathmark, and i'm immediately complimented on my awesome hat, that i've been wearing around the house since purchase. Then we bought shit, but i forgot the lemons. Long story. Also KMac was high as a fucking kite, but couldn't take the time out to help me pick out snacks. Really? (EXCUSE ME that's called bonding time.)

after pathmark we decided to make our way to sj's house to do it to it. as we reach our final destination (which i'm glad we did because lp drives like an ASSHAT) (when driving, or in any store (that's not the one i work at) my philosophy is: Get the fUck out of my way). we realize that of course sj isn't home. who stays home to meet their friends when they can go to target?(Also we were running late, bitch). so of course our only option is to drink, and that's when we saw the most magical being you could see at a charlie brown's in millburn.

Basically we meet Captain Jack Sparrow, no joke. We ignore him as he's going on about some radio program, and proceed to enjoy a delish Sam Adam's seasonal: Nobel Pils (the first of many good beers this evening, if i do say so myself). Then we fucking buy SJ the most expensive burrito of all time, and wait outside her apartment with all our shit.

Lauren failed to mention lemons. fucking lemons. we forgot to buy them at pathmark, but sj is at target where i know they have a produce section. sj swears up and down there are no lemons. i call shenanigans on that. so, being the asshole she is she sends us this picture to prove these were in fact the only lemons in target.

i call her a LIAR. turns out i'm the asshole and she was at a different target. my bad. long story short, we have more lemons that god now. True Story.

In conclusion, it's party time. We go gotta bounce.