I'm in a NY State of mind

So I've been thinking a ton about NY lately. Maybe it's because alot of my friends live there who i love, and miss; maybe it's because my dad's been watching his favorite movie Serendipity again (he'll never admit to this); maybe it's because I've been reading my friend LK's Dad's book about being a cop in the city circa 1975, and it's got my dad telling all kinds of stories about growing up there. Or maybe, just maybe, it's because i got this totally awesome gangsta hat at Burlington Coat Factory the other day:

I'm betting on the last one, because that is one sick hat. Regardless, between work/school/family i don't have time to make the trip out there just yet, so i settled for making the most NY thing i could think of: pizza.

I started dabbling in the art of pizza about a year ago when i was stranded in Ca with no real pizza in sight. They just don't get Italian food over there. Anyway it's the crust that gets me. It's either too thick, or too doughy, and never that awesome crisp bubbly deliciousness that is NY pizza at it's best. Then one day i'm perusing my mom's latest Cooks Illustrated, and low and behold, i find this recipe. If you like to cook, you should get this mag, because it is just the best. These guys test everything, and like utilize science and shit. It's really the tops, and this recipe did not disappoint.

Anyway it's says the dough is best after three days, but you can use it anytime after 24hrs. I ended up using it on day 2, because it worked into my schd. I can totally see why the third day would be better, because the gluten would relax a little more. If there's one thing wrong with this pizza, it's that i should have stretched it out a more, but it's still pretty damn good.



Preheat oven to 500degrees. Put oven rack on second level with pizza stone on top.
Toss the dough. This is SOOOO much fun, but watch for ceiling fans, and catch it with your knuckles so you don't poke through. Also wear an apron cause the flour is gonna fly. (No pic's of this because my mom was in zone out mode and not even my terrible ukulele playing could bring her back.)

Spread your sauce. Their recipe for sauce is spot on, except they don't put crushed red peppers in it, which to me makes it. I added about a tablespoon, do what you want. Start it in the center and spread out.


Then cheese that shit! 1/4 cup parm, 1 cup mozz. Use the whole milk kind if you're not fucking around. The recipe makes 2 pizzas. I did one plain, because that's the true test, and one veggie and pepperoni. If using veggies make sure you saute them first. Then into the oven:

And yes, i do have a large bakers peel (gigantic spatula), because after a few broken crusts/burnt fingers i decided it was worth the $20. And you know what? I'll never look back.

Cook for 12min, turning halfway through.

That's a pretty damn good pizza, if i do say so myself. On a sad note, i got so excited about the first one turning out that when i went to shiv in the second i missed the stone, and ended up dumping half the toppings on the stove floor which totally fogged up the house, and pissed off my mom who had just cleaned the oven yesterday, and choose that exact moment to come out of her daze. Well you know what mom? Tough. (i'll clean the stove later).

Place on rack to cool for a bit:


And enjoy:


Nice pic dad. Nothing brings a family together like pizza. Because, hey! who doesn't like it?

Hot and delish, not coconut shrimp.

So, i hate coconut shrimp.

This all started back when i was graduating from college and in the middle of one of the worst weeks of my life. Anyway my parents flew out for graduation and decided they were going to throw me a party 3 days before for reasons i don't understand. On top of it being finals week i was also in charge of the technical aspect of our department's graduation, that department being the Theatre department (i know, i know.), and an hour and a half worth of one acts/speeches along with the actual diploma part. Also i was the student production manager of all the auditoriums, and therefore responsible for setting everything up and making sure no shit went down. Also i was in the ceremony...WAY TOO MUch going on.

Anyway my mom DEMANDED that we have the party wednesday night after rehearsal at my cousin's house. Not the cousin who lives a half an hour away, but the cousin who lives a full hour near San Jose because the weather was nicer there. I call my mom, tell her i'm on my way. It's 8 o'clock I've been up since like 5am and am exhausted, arrive at my cousin's house, and knock on the door. No one answers and i'm thinking, "are they trying to make this a surprise? because that's silly i know about it, duh." So finally i call my mom, and she's like, "Oh this morning i decided to move the party closer so it would be more convenient for you..." and not tell you. Then, THEN, "what's taking you so long, you called an hour ago." So i tell her, and she laughs and is like, "oh, soo sorry, i knew i forgot something." and eventually i make it to this party that's now an hour and a half out of my way.

Upon my arrival my mom marches me into the living room, presents me with a table full of food, and decrees, "Look! i made all of your favorites." And i look at the table and i swear to god not only has she never made any of those things before in my life, but i haven't eaten half of them before, and i'm trying to keep this happy look on myface, and my sister is cracking up behind me, and like, "Yeah Lor, all your favorites!" because she knows (also Lor is on the bottom of my nickname list).

Coconut Shrimp is on the table and i try it for the first time in my life and think, 'i don't really like this.' Meanwhile Scotty (my brother-in-law) is like pounding them down, and my mom somehow get's it into her mind that it means i too LOVE coconut shrimp, i mean oBviously, it IS one of my favorites.

Also she went crazy for these edible ornaments she saw on the side of a truck, and kept walking around the party all night and demanding people partake in them, or 'get fruity,' also inappropriate.

i told you this because 1: it's funny now, and b: Now whenever my mom here's the words 'shrimp' or 'fried fish' she's always like, "Oh! i can make coconut shrimp!" and i cringe inside and have to come up with a completely plausible reason why we, in fact, cannot have coconut shrimp tonight. Fortune is not always in my favor, and i have ended up eating this vile creation more times then i'd care to say because I just don't have the heart to tell her. But tonight the fates smiled, i had already purchased/de-thawed some tilapia, and i now present to you:
Fish and Chips.


i got this recipe from the governess of NY, Sandra Lee.

Pre-heat oven to 400 degrees.
Cut 4 clean potatoes in to 1/4" strips.
Put 1/3 to the side for no apparent reason.
Toss with 2tbs canoli oil, salt, and pepper to taste. At this point i was like, where's the fucking canoli oil, and started panikicing, then my mom came out and found this:


Because i can't see things that are right in front of my face. Bake potatoes for 10 min, flip, bake for another 10. If you start them on parchment paper, the flip is easy, just don't forget to grease the sheet.


Heat 2 cups Canoli oil in a pan to 360 degrees.
Mix 2 cups flour, 2 tsp baking powder, salt and pepper to taste, in a bowl. I actually recommend seasoning the fish, not the batter, but whatevs. Also my mom was like, "You know Seltzer makes really fluffy batter," and i was like, "Thanks, but i'm just going to follow the directions," which at this point say whisk in 2 cups of seltzer. Touche mom. Also i poured some 'weight watch" 'seltzer' into a measuring cup, and was like, "is this flat?" and it turned out to be tonic water, and not a mistake you want to make. So i dumped that shit, and upon opening my third half empty bottle found some seltzer that was usable. I was on the verge of using one of my cans of raspberry seltzer, which: gross.


Pat the fresh (de-thawed) fish dry.


Cut fillet's in half, flour, and cover in batter. Into the fryer for 6min, then the oven until service (at this point your potatoes should be done so turn the temp down to 200 f).



Our pot was small, so i had to keep frying them one at a time, and my mom kept coming into the kitchen offering to help, and i was like, 'there's nothing left to do.' So she set the table, and set up this place setting for my final picture, wand even busted out some of the carrot green! Which: thanks mom! How sweet. (also good thing you don't read my blog).

My dad has this saying, "Hot and delish, not fillet of fish!" I don't know where it came from, but at this point he comes into the kitchen and is like, "Hot and delish..." and just stops because he has nothing to say, and proceeds to march out of the kitchen. It was pretty adorable, but i guess you had to be there.

This also comes with a tarter sauce recipe, but unless you're like my parents and happen to have relish on hand, just buy it, it's cheaper. This is where we come to the last 1/3 of potatoes which they say to leave for "round 2." I have no clue what Sandy means by this, and ended up just frying them in the left over oil, which wasn't as good as the oven ones. Also if you've been keeping potatoes in ice water you might want to pat them dry first, so the oil doesn't almost overflow onto your cat that's obliviously playing on the floor with a piece of dust. Don't worry, I caught it just in time and Harvey's none the wiser.


Wah-la! Fried fish and potatoes, as healthy as you can get. The three of us decided we're going to have to eat veggies for the rest of the week, but so worth it.

*On a side note, my friend Kirsten is running a marathon for cancer, which is pretty freaking awesome. I added a link to her blog on the side list if interested.

a hint of summer

I was really excited to deep fry today, because this guy kept going on and on about chicken wings, and i couldn't get the idea out of my mind. Unfortunately in my house you have to reserve the right to cook a meal 24-48 hrs in advance. So when i called home and was like, "Dad do we have potatoes? I'm making fish and chips!" he was like, "Sorry toots, fajita's on the grill." (not the actual grill, he's not crazy... well). So he slotted me in for tomorrow, lunch. BLOG SPOILER ALERT!!!

Anyway, i made one of my favorite cocktails instead. It's from Smitten Kitchen. I actually had to fight my dad for this one too, because he had all the stuff set up to make "tequil-ees." My dad loves margaritas, but calls them anything other then what they are. So if he ever offers you a tequila sunrise, long island, or even a freddy fuddpucker, just know that's not what you're going to get. If you asked my dad for a tequila shot he'd probably give you a margarita back, 'cause he LOVES them.

So i manage to pull him out of the kitchen for two seconds while i made these "Porch Swings." This is the perfect summer drink, because it's refreshing and looks good in a pitcher for parties. Pimm's No.1 is an English liquor(?) that's made of gin and other stuff. This drink is kind of similar to a Pimm's Cup, which is another drink. True story.


First you have to make lemonade. I used meyer lemons, cause they're sweet and delicious.


We actually do own every accessory to the kitchen aid, in case you were wondering. So to make the lemonaid use 1 part lemon juice, 1 part simple syrup (put some sugar in hot water) and 2 parts water. Ta-da!! My syrup looks like weak tea because my dad dumped brown sugar into our container of white sugar for reasons unknown to me.

*note the Dorney Park commemorative water bottle.

To make this decadent drink put 1 1/2oz (a shot and a half) Pimm's, 1 1/2oz Gin (they suggest hendricks, which i think would be lovely, but my mom's a Tanqueray lady so that's what i used), and 4oz of lemonade into two high ball glasses.


I shake mine first cause i'm gangsta, and it chills the warm lemonade. Then top it off with some 7up and really thin cucumber slices, and delight in this:


Can't you just picture swinging on a front porch, possibly playing cards, on a warm summer's day and drinking this? I've just described my vision of heaven to you. Anyway i just emptied my glass, and it's fajita time, so i gotta run. You should go make yourself one of these right now, because they're delicious. And hey, veggies!

i mak-a da past-a!

I went to the store, and my dad was like, "get some carrots." So i bought a bunch and brought them home and he was like, "What the hell is this? Organic?" and i was like, "i don't know" and we was like, "Why didn't you just get the bag? They're cheaper. You need to get that California shit out of your head." I guess it's safe to say we don't subscribe to the 'organic' mindset. In the Pappas house the cheaper the better.

I was supposed to go over my friends house tonight, but it was not meant to be. Shit happens. Instead i did the only logical thing, make pasta. Here's the thing about making pasta: it's so fucking easy. Not only that but it's got this wow factor like, "you MADE your own pasta?" And you should, because it's easy, and tastes 1 million degrees better. So, here's how:

I had to look up a recipe online because my pasta making book is in Ca (aka the pasta making book i bought for my sister last Christmas). So i just used this one from AllRecipes with some adaptations. You need:


1 cup flour
1/2 tsp salt
1 beaten egg
1 tbs olive oil
1 tbs water

I used a food processor but you could hand mix, or even kitchenmaid.
Mix the flour and salt. Add the egg. Olive oil and water. Mix until it comes together, then knead for 3-4 min. Let sit 15 min. Put a pot of water on to boil with some olive oil and salt.

This is going to be fettuccine with garlic shrimp and lobster, in case you were curious. I am not normally lobster quality (really fresh shrimp is a stretch), but for some reason we had some baby lobster tails in the freezer and i jumped on those suckers. I'm marinating the seafood with olive oil and garlic, this should have probably been done a day in advanced, but you got to work with what you have. Season with salt and pepper right before you bake. Preheat oven to 400.

Ok, so time to roll the pasta. You can do this with a rolling pin and knife, but fortunatley for me my mom doesn't know how to shop online, and always orders two of everything on accident. Anyway we have a pasta roller for the kitchen aid, good Christmas pick Danielle.



Jesus Christ, have you ever seen anything more gorgeous in your life?? Ok, at this point your water should be boiling, your oven should be ready, and you should have seasoned everything. Put the fish in the oven, put the pasta in the water, and set a timer for 5min, though you'll probably need 6. Meanwhile cut-up some more garlic and saute in some olive oil. If you want bread pop that shit in the toaster, because we are running out of time. After the garlic toasts to your liking (i like mine crispy, you know, for texture) put some butter in there and season with salt, pepper, and parsley.


When the pasta's done drain it, mix it in the skillet, and plate it up! We didn't have any parsley so i had to use some green from the carrots. Looks like they were worth the extra 50 cents after all dad. Plus because the only thing i had to buy was the shrimp, dinner was only 4 bucks.

Ghetto Flowers

Me: Hey mom, do you remember those glue flowers we made in Girl Scouts?
Mom: No.
Me: I'm gonna try to make them.
Mom: Is this for your blog? haHAhahAhaha

Like really, a witch cackle. Thanks for your love and undying support. Seriously though my mom is one crafty bitch, so when i called her at work 5 minuets ago and was like, "hey do we have any of those glass rocks you use at the bottom of fish bowls?" She was like, "Laundry room cabinet, second shelf." Then she direct repeated the last phrase of the aforementioned conversation, and i was like, "i'm over this." But you gotta forgive her, especially since she was there for me in my time of need. Anyway...

Glue flowers! What a mo-fo. These things were the worst, and they turned out looking pretty ghetto. Well here we go.

First you bend some wire. I originally used a hanger, but it ended up looking like some kind of creature, so i had to go to Joanne's in the ghetto (word of the day?) mall to get some 20 gauge and elmers glue. Also i bought two things of wire because i always run out of stuff, and have to make like 10 trips, and what happens? I run out of glue, that's life for ya. The other wire came out looking alright, i just bent it with some pliers.


Then comes the glue, which is the worst. First i thought i'd put it on a plate, but the petals kept popping up and not getting glue on them, so then i drenched the plate in glue, and had to let it sit overnight to dry. I awoke the next day to find, not only was it not totally dry, but there was a fly stuck in it.

So at this point a started to cut of the excess glue, and made a cold mess of things. Also don't use your mom's kitchen scissors for this process, she will not be happy. Now i'm doing this, hands covered in glue, and my cat starts attacking me.

Harvey's pretty needy, as cats go. My mom got her when she was going through Chemo, so all they used to do was lay around together, then my mom started going back to work and Harvey's like, 'I didn't sign up for this shit.' She's pretty bitter about the whole situation, but you know what Harvey? You fuck around and this is what happens:

Consider your bald spot pay back for my garden. So i cut out the shapes and sort of re-glue them to the wire, wiped glue all over them, and let them dry for another day. This project took entirely too long. Also i started with six, and lost interest after four, so the bouquet's a little lacking. Also some of the petals have holes in them.


They're a type of daisy, Bellis Perennis, oBviously. Anyway i put them in the dinning room window. If anyone asks i'll tell them i made them when i was in girl scouts.

*Prison Wine Update: Sorry guys, i kind of forgot about this. After two weeks later you put the Pdubs in the fridge for another week. Then bring it back to room temp, and enjoy the harsh biting taste of bread yeast and grape juice, so refreshing. Ghetto!

Cleaning beer bottles is not as fun as emptying them.

Today i bottled my beer, hooray!! 3 weeks and counting.

I wish i had a funny family anecdote for you, but i just don't. Everyone's being normal, it's weird.

So onward with the beer. First you have to transfer it from it's primary fermenter to a bottling fermenter in order to mix the dextrose (corn sugar) that induces carbonation (very interesting, i know). Anyway before you do anything you have to sterilize all things that will touch the beer, or it'll spoil. I sterilize my stuff in the bathtub with a little bleach. Unfortunately mid-sterilization my mom decided to take a doody in the bathroom, and since poop beer's not on my menu, i had to re-clean/sterilize everything.


Normally here you'd just add the dextrose, stir, and bottle, but life's not that simple if you're a pappas. My auto-siphon got broke in the great trans-america movement, and i had to re-sterilize the primary fermenter because it has a spigot. To do this i poured the beer back in, which you are not at all supposed to do. You literally don't want any extra air getting into this stuff, and what can i say, i was careful. Hopefully everything will turn out ok.

Time to bottle! I cleaned all the bottles last week, which was a bitch, so i just had to put them on dry cycle in the dishwater to sterilize them. I boiled the caps in hot water.



Filling time! i ended up with 41 bottles of beer on the counter.


Cap those shits:


And put them in a dark corner for 9 days, then move them to a slightly lower temp for two weeks, and there you have it. I can't wait!

Duck Prosciutto

Me: Hey dad, next time you go to the meat market pick me up a duck breast. I want to make prosciutto.
Dad: How about a chicken breast?
Me: How about i vomit?
Dad: I'll see what i can do.

Because really, can you think of anything grosser then Chicken Prosciutto? I mean granted Chickens and Ducks are both birds, but that's pretty much where the similarities end. Don't get me wrong, i love my dad, and he keeps life super interesting and hilarious, but if he had a blog it would be called: How To Do Things Cheaply and Incorrect.

A perfect example of this is his bedroom door. Last fall he had really bad allergies and he and my mom both decided not to allow the cat into their bedroom (Actually he said, "How about we get rid of the cat?" and my mom said, "How about i get rid of you." and a compromise was achieved). Anyway they deep-cleaned the whole place, but the problem is their door doesn't stay closed. So, instead of buying a two dollar door stop, his solution is this:


It's a washcloth. Sometimes it's my gardening hat:

Classy.

Speaking of classy today is Duck Breast Prosciutto day, with actual duck breast. I ended up picking it up myself (for lack of trust issues) at the meat market, which is actually a market that sells delicious meat, not a really terrible night club. The recipe is from the Charcuterie Book, but one of the authors, Michael Ruhlman, also blogged about it here.

I was originally going to post about this through-out the process, but the great flood of 2011 put a damper on those plans. Anyway i started with 1lb of duck breast, which actually ended up being three small ones, because the meat market guy didn't understand what i was saying. That happens alot.

Anyway i covered them with salt, saran wrapped, and left them in the fridge for 24 (36?) hours.


Then you wash all the salt off and wrap them in cheese cloth.

then you tie it and hang it for a week in a dry warm place, which was originally the basement, but after the water/bug "issues" i went with the laundry room:


This is what it came out like:

As for taste, it's pretty Game-y. To be honest, it's kind of disappointing, and will not be used in any sandwich making, which is really what i was envisioning. Brie and duck breast prosciutto with arugula sounds delightful. Now i'm trying to figure out who to pawn this stuff on. Anyway, I think it's safe to say if you only sort of like duck don't make this.