So... one of my co-workers is leaving today, and I made him a pie because he's sweet as pie (but actually because i asked him what his favorite desert was and he said apple crumble and pie)! I forgot to ask him if i could use his name, so we'll just call him Petunia.
I made the crust the night before and put it in the freezer. So i get home at, like, 1:30am and i go to the freezer in the basement to get some butter (during the holiday's we bake like crazy, so when costco has a sale on unsalted butter we stock the fuck up) and i head back upstairs and almost have a heart attack because Nanc can't sleep, and decides it's a good idea to lay in wait at the top of the stairs for me. And, of course, the first thing is see is her white hair and i'm all: GHOSTS!
Anyway she can't sleep so she actually helps me peel some apples for this masterpiece i'm in the process of creating. I pull the crust i made that morning out of the freezer, and we have at those apples. Tons of people think Granny smith is the best apple for pies because they heard it from someone sometime and so it's oBviously fact. FALSE! Julia Child herself says that pies need a blend of apples to invoke all the flavors, but you can't use soft ones like macs or galas (they don't invoke that shit), so i used 2 granny smith, 2 fuji, and 2 braeburn. wonderful.
Meanwhile i made the crumble with vanilla wafers, sugar, cinnamon, and almost a whole stick of butter:
To the apples add flour, sugar, cinnamon, and toss that shit up!
So at this point the crust is still frozen, and i'm like, "what the fuck's wrong?" and Nanc is all, "you were supposed to refrigerate it, moron." (but not exactly), the she's like, "just put some lemon juice on it and wait until tomorrow, but remember to re-heat the crumble." So that's what we do. Anyway, in the morning the crumble is hard as shit, and i of course stored it in a metal bowl, so i end up chipping 1/4 of it on the floor before i think to run the bottom of the bowl under hot water. It ends up like one giant cluster:
Meanwhile i put the pie together with gobs of butter on top.
But oBvi not enough crumble due to the previous casualties:
Bam!
Basically i think everything turned out OK, Petunia seemed to like it:
Later i got home, and i had apples on the brain. Luckily i had this awesome applejack:
It's made in NJ, so oBvi it's the best! Just like tomatoes, corn, and me. Pictured it's mixed with apple cider and honey. When my parent's were out in Ca, the lady who lived across the street from my cousin apparently harvested honey from bees, which they brought home with them and is outstanding. I could never do this because i'm afraid of getting stung. I mean i'm sure this lady doesn't but recognizing the spazz that i am, i oBvioulsy would. I mean no question. Anyway if you don't have a bee charmer around there's this new Honey Jack Daniels, which actually makes this an even more delicious drink, so DO IT!
But anyway Petunia, I'm gonna miss you buddy. Good luck, and stay gold. Don't be a stranger!
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