Serial-ly?

If you spent New Years Day building car models and listening to the entire Serial broadcast, then you're in good company. If you didn't... well i guess we can't all be super cool. Don't worry, you can work on it.

I woke up this morning like usual (bright as the summer's sun), and i went down stairs for a cup of coffee like usual (without falling), and low and behold i run into Phil who informs me that "The Google is broken again." (This is a 100% accurate quote.) But the case of 'The broken Google' was a mere aperitif to the true mystery of 'Why was the wireless router unplugged?'  Because it actually never needs to be. And i mean not unplugged just from the wall, but from, like, everything and left there like a dead prostitute in the gutter. Poor thing. Probably came from a broken home, never truly appreciated for it's worth or capabilities of providing the entire span of the house hold with lighting fast internet Google. Unfortunately this will probably be riddle that got away from us, the true answer floating gently through the breeze, just fingertips out of reach.

 Before we get started, let me just explain something: DPL is the crafting champion. Example: For Christmas we got these crazy Japanese candies that you make from water and powder, and they turn out looking like foods. Here:

 

I got a burger one, and Chloe got... i think donuts? (You can't win 'um all Chlo.)

Also these things taste gross. They, like, attempt to actually taste like the food you're making, except they're candy. That "coke" tastes like flat coke and Robitussin, and i fucking hate tussin. gross. Right DPL?

Anyway...  (except like 20 min later, because every time i go to type i see this photo again and i can't stop giggling like a school girl long enough to type, a true gem.) you get the drift. But we got a few that were "Design your own creatures." So DPL, Scotty, and i each did one:

Guess which one's DPL's. I made something that's supposed to be a squid but looks like an Alien from Alien and Scotty made some gross blobs (which is actually surprising for him, because he's usually pretty good at this stuff). But i posted this on Facebook, and no one was surprised. In fact, they knew which one i did, because despite using a mold, all my craft projects have this certain element about them, that you can just tell i did it. I could put up a project in the middle of 100 others, and DPL and KSB would be able to pick it out, no problem. It's the Lauren factor, and it's just indescribable (like the mark of a true artist).

That being said my car model was the best, and i'm not just serious, i'm HIV positive (but not really, duh).

So of course we didn't take any fucking pictures of it. So when i went to take it out of the box today, to properly document it's place in history:

Cool. oBviously. duh. 

Anyway Scotty totally geeked out and did a DeLorean. (shocker, i know).

Which looks pretty awesome. Nice job Scotty. 

Here's DPL's:

I mean right? Way to boff that one. (but actually one of the reasons her shit looks so much better is because she fucking takes her time with it. Seriously though, like half the speed on this occasion).

But I'm gonna fucking finish that shit! Don't worry wo, i got you. 

Apparently, i'm also going to watch the entire series of Black Mirror, which is about fucked up things that could happen because of technology. Also Domhnall Gleeson from About Time is in one of the episodes and if you've never seen About Time you need to seriously find the quickest way possible to go about watching it (like, right now), because your life is incomplete. Sorry i had to be the one to tell you, but: truth.

Anyway, it's nuts. But like think about Serial for a minute. I have, i've probably thought about it pretty regularly for the past month, especially after i just finished it. I have all kinds of opinions, and if you want to talk about it, let's do it! But here's the thing... It's kind of fucked up. I mean maybe you're helping an innocent man be free, maybe you're not. Maybe you're helping to convict someone who's gotten away with something for so long, but maybe you're just kind of ripping his life apart. The thing is, it's kind of everywhere. I can listen to it, read about it, write about it, proclaim my opinions to the world, and the world can do all of that too. And whether that's okay or not, to be honest, i'm not really sure. Maybe it's because i've dedicated so much of my day to Black Mirror, i don't know, i'm not a doctor, but I wonder if it's not just one more step closer in that crazy technology possibility direction. 

Czech this shit out:

Like... fucking beautiful. tears.

We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.

      Life! I'm pretty sure we're taking about life here. I'm almost positive. almost. Fucking Hemminway and shit. Also fucking life and shit... am i right??


This is where I start stuff:

...and sometimes finish it (Hey! like this blog post i started two weeks ago and you to post on twice a week. Remember that? The golden age.) Because i fucking love making things, dUh. oBvioulsy. Anyway: i've got like one hundred projects going on like lamps and sewing and collages and moon jars and:

Silk Screening! Boom.

This is something i've been trying to do for a while...  forever... 2007. At the time  i was working at a post house in SF, and my friend Kat was like "There's this silk screening class..." and i was like, "What's that?" then, "Let's go" and then i didn't. True story.

But also i've been talking about doing it for the last six months, and gradually picking up the supplies. So actually i was going to do my laundry but:

no one disturbs Harvey. motivation attained.

The last two things i needed was a t-shirt and fabric for the screen. So first i went to target to get a trendy travel coffee mug and since Michael's is near by it was like the heavens shown through the sky, lighting a path to a crafty haven where all my silk screening dreams could come true.

Except they don't sell fabric, who knew? So instead i bought a black t-shirt which was perfect until i realized i bought black shirt paint. Cool. No point in going to Michael's whatsoever. probably just street lamps anyway.

Luckily i had to go to Joanne fabric anyway for fabric (duh) and got some nylon that will hopefully work for my screen (but i don't know because you have to get the right gauge, and that's too complicated for me/it wasn't listed), so i picked up a grey shirt. Also they have crazy sales.

4 dollars! (two paper routes).

So then i actually had to build the screen. Phil was wondering around the house like, "give me something to do," so i did.

Also fucking nature, right?

It's like a giant ice cup that you'd never want to drink out of.

Anyway, Phil cut the wood perfectly on the lines i gave him, just like we all knew he would. Also the batteries for the screw gun were dead, so i just stapled it. Wa-la!:

Perfect. (clearly a Pappas production) Also now i can make the vale i've always dreamed of! (jk, jk.)

so then i built a light box out of about 50 cents of aluminum foil and 12 dollars of packaging tape (figures not accurate).

If you want to learn to silk screen yourself i used this website.

Now i just need a dark room. Luckily there's a creepy attic off my room which is perfect for darkness and horrifying children. (I don't even want to talk about the sounds that come from these walls at night)

It even has the fan they say is good for drying the photo emulsion paint for the screen (like it was meant to be).

So i started painting the screen, and of course it's just dripping through, and of course Nanc comes up to use the computer and is like, "What the fuck are you doing now?" and of course i'm covered with paint and of course she's like, "Lauren, the printer doesn't work." And of course it doesn't. This is the life and times of Lauren Pappas after all. But it actually does work if you know how to use a computer, which one of us does.

My screen was not getting covered at all in paint and i was like, "I failed!" but *spoiler alert: everything was okay... maybe.

You have to let your screen sit for a few hours in pitch dark, so in the meantime i made breakfast oatmeal pumpkin cookies i found on pintrest. All you need is this (salt not included):

Except raisins, cause fuck them. Am i right? 

Also totally passed the time watching Phil in his natural habitat.

Anyway:

Ta-da! (except really i had another 2 hours so i binge watched girls).

So this next part i can only talk about because it had to happen in the dark, and in this case, the pitch dark of night (aka 6pm). I put the transparency and a piece of glass over it into the light box, threw a beach towel over it, and turned on the light box. Because i used 40 watt bulbs, it should only take 16 min...

and there was nothing. So i left it for half an hour and: 

Nothing. I was like, "What the fuck?" So i asked this girl at work who's like an artist and stuff and she was like, "Um... did you wash it?" And no, cause why would i do that? that requires, like, following the directions.

 

So it sort of worked, but it all sort of didn't. 

I mean clearly there's an image there, but there's also a ton of bubble holes for paint to slip through:

Also the photo emulsion paint totally dripped through the bottom.

Needless to say, this isn't going to work. Smaller gauge, longer burn time, wash the screen. To be continued.

So clearly now I'm a master silk screen-er. clearly. Nailed it. But if Hemminway's right, then we are all just apprentices in this great circle of life. 

NaaaaaaAAAA siBenyA! Na ba ti sicha pa...

sitchiko benya, oh yeah benyaaaaaa...

Everybody loves fall.

 It's beautiful out. You know why?

Fall.

    I mean, who doesn't love fall? Crazy people. Only crazy people don't unconditionally love the majestic beatitude that is fall. You don't want to be a crazy person, do you? No pressure.


Today I made the mistake of waking up and going on pinterest, where i found this:

And it's incredible.

It's chocolate cake with pumpkin cheesecake in the middle. For the record, i'm not the biggest pumpkin person. In fact, i'm not a pumpkin person at all! I'm just a regular person. But what i'm trying to say here, is that aside from the occasional pumpkin pie,  I don't really like pumpkin flavored items. But you know what guys? It's fucking fall. And i'm not a crazy person, so i guess i'm just going to have to man up and make this delicious, wonderfully delightful cake. Also why you don't get out of bed hungry and go on pinterest when you have an unscheduled day ahead of you. I think that's a lesson we can all take home.

Also every once in a while you feel like eating like a fat kid being indulgent. Anyway i got pumped! and was like, "Ok, let's do this!" And then i high-fived myself.


You gotta start with the chocolate cake. That little gem has to cool before you can begin construction.

 Also you can get this recipe here if you love pumpkin things/fall/being a copycat/can't come over my house for a piece.

When i put these in the oven they were super watery and i was like, "ugh..." and Nanc was like, "No way those are gonna cook right" and the recipe also called for a cup of hot water, which i thought was really weird but anyway:


Step 2: Cheesecake.

Which is actually just cream cheese city with some sugar skyscrapers.  ...well other stuff too (like canned pumpkin and eggs), but this is the heart of it.

The recipe actually calls for pumpkin pie spice, but when i went to the store i was like, "6 dollars?! Who am i, Rockefeller?" so i found a recipe and made it because we have every spice in the world. 

 Except all spice. Isn't it ironic, don't you think? Which oBviously you do unless you don't like Alanis Morissette, in which case you're and idiot:

Anyway we didn't need allspice, so none of this matters.

Measure out the ingredients... Pappas style! We'll need a spoonful of laughter of ground cinnamon:

2 hints of patience, and a morsel of a i don't have a 1/8th of a teaspoon. 

When i was living in San Francisco i went with my friend to this vegan raw food restaurant for reasons i can't remember, but obviously stemming from some desire to inflict punishment upon our selves... anyway instead of calling the dish the fo-food it was horribly attempting to imitate,  they called it a feeling. Then when you went to order you were supposed to say, "I'm feeling..." and then what ever the name of your dish was. So of course we were both like, "I'm not doing that" and of course there was some exorbitantly flamboyant lady in the corner who declared she was "seeking satisfaction" in the overly dramatic voice of a person who feels they were born for the theatre, but are not. Anyway i took the lesser of two evils and was like, "I'll have the enthusiastic" which was actually the name of my dish and not at all what i was feeling, but apparently was acceptable enough for the waitress, who then turned to my friend and was like, "And how are you feeling?" So my friend who would not have any of this and was like, "I'll have the enchiladas." "So you're feeling passionately." The waitress said, nodding knowingly in the soft voice of someone who feels like they really understand you and are making a connection. And my friends was like:

"I'll have the enchiladas."

Spices are pretty.
 

And our cheesecake is complete.
Which is perfect because now it's time for the old swap-a-ru!

perfectly in focus. Wait for it...

Boom! Perfect. Watery my butt, they look delightful. And you know what? Chicken taco time.

The special sauce is sour cream and salsa mixed together. Ingenious. Add a little Tabasco if you're spicy, which oBviously i am.

Here's a picture of Harvey in the wilderness:

Okay, now i think it's time to make our frosting.

Put a ton of fat in a bowl:

Aka a stick and a half of butter and a cup of canola oil. Then add a ton of powdered sugar and the rest of the pumpkin spice. The pumpkin spice recipe makes about two teaspoons, which is conveniently what you need for this recipe and obviously these two unrelated sites are working together in some kind of underground pumpkin movement. They love fall.

So at this point I taste it, and it's really really sweet, and needs more flavor. Also the recipe calls for two more cups! of powdered sugar at this stage which, no. So i'm like, okay, the cheesequake cheesecake's cooking, i'll go upstairs and start writing. So half an hour later i come down and Nanc is like, "That frosting is terrible. You need to do something about it. Definitely more butter." So i'm like, "I totally agree." and i go to open the door of the oven and she's like "Stop! you'll hurt the cheesecake!" Which apparently cheesecakes are super sensitive. I didn't know. I do know the story of my friend(pictured above)'s mom yelling at his friends to "walk softly, i've got a cheesecake in the oven!" Which just made her sound a little nutty, but apparently she was right on. Shout out to Nanc on this one. So i leave (carefully not to disturb the cheesecake) and i come back about half an hour later at which point Nanc was nice enough to turn off the oven and set the timer for the cheesecake to cool for an hour. She then reminded me again that the frosting was terrible, which is probably because letting it sit will do nothing.

This cake is going to be gigantic. Nanc and i putz-ed around with the frosting a little and decided it needed more spice, so a dash of kindness, a few more hints of patience, and a drizzle of vanilla later and we still have a super sweet, but well flavored icing. If you make this recipe i recommend slowly adding the powdered sugar and tasting after every trough of sensibility (half of a cup). Seriously you'll need less then half the recommended amount. Which also means we would have had enough powdered sugar in house and i'm down $2.19. Whatever.

When every thing cools make your ganache.

Which is basically just heated heavy cream and chocolate chips.

 It get's spread on both sides of the cheesecake layer

Time to frost!

My cousin taught me this cool trick where you keep dipping your knife in hot water and it makes it easier to smooth the cake. Anyway time to pipe!

 ...which is not my specialty. 

Man there's so much stuff in this cake. If only it had hot fudge...

Now that's what i call a cake!

 Just look at those three brown pools... of longing. Slightly ghetto, but overall delicious.

Beautiful. Man nothing says fall like pumpkin cheesecake sandwiched in between two chocolate cakes with a chocolate ganache spread, butter sugar frosting and some hot fudge. Nothing like a good old artery clog to bring out the fall in all of us.

The icing is sweet, but the cake itself really isn't, so they complement each other pretty well. Nanc told me to "read up" on Swiss butter cream for next time.

Anyway, this cake is delicious. No regrets.