Part III: Part Deux

LK here, from LP's computer so our f's are good to go today (yeeeessssssss.). You may be thinking to yourself at this very moment, "Part III? What happened to Part II?" That's a great question! The answer to your question is simple: we are on Narnian time. (Sorry, I just read the entire Chronicles of Narnia series.)

OK, so today LP, cousin Chloe and I went on a tremendous hike. This is epic. And while this does wrap up my guest blogging sessions (for now, until I completely take over, mwa hahaha), you still have the real part 2 to look forward to. So I will tell you this: Chloe's not bad for an 18-year-old. She's actually much cooler than most 27-year-olds, (I mean, I almost love her), but anyway (She does love me, she said so earlier but won't put it in writing). I got to LP's house fairly early in the morning and upon meeting Chloe she immediately sprayed me with bug spray, which, as we'll get to later, was completely essential. Thanks, Chloe. (Anytime Muffin). Here I am putting on my hiking shoes:

So we embarked on our adventure...an hour long drive to Bearfort Mountain, in Hewitt, NJ. I have no idea where Hewitt actually is, but it's in northern NJ somewhere (North of Wayne.). We had a great drive, except Chloe probably (definitely) has the worst taste in music, which, honestly...I don't even remember the name of the song that was playing when she was like, "Oh! I LOVE this song!" (it's "home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros) and it was like about gold miners trying to settle the west or something (it really was terrible.). Point is, if you ever meet Chloe, don't let her control the iPod. Ever. So anyway...

We get to this place, and I've been here once before, and I love it. It's a 6 mile hike, but it feels like 47 miles because you're constantly up and down, rock climbing and stuff. It's amazing. Let it be known that I, at times, have the bladder of an infant, or senior citizen (really, she takes two sips, and it's over.), and so right when we got there, of course, I had to pee. So I have to pee in the woods, no big deal, right? Okay, so I go off the path a little bit and LP and Chloe are on look out, and I'm peeing and LP is belting "Life Is A Highway" at the top of her lungs (why wouldn't I?), and then I hear voices. So I'm like, No, of course they would have told me if someone was coming. And then in midstream I actually see people. I see them. Then I hear, "I got some bad news for you..." There were people coming (and i was literally dying, because of COurse! of course.). Luckily I was done, and we were off. Also, there is no photographic proof that any of this actually happened, even better.

So we finally start walking, we're all amped up and ready to go, and we get up the first kind of hill and Chloe says, "Um, am I the only one who's out of breath right now?" She wasn't. It was excruciating (also i was totally drinking water and carrying three 1.5 liter bottles and our picnic, and they just dashed off and left me! I was like the fat kid.). And I felt bad, because I knew, having done this before, that it was only going to get worse. A lot worse. So we kept hiking and LP was like, saying some dumb shit, I don't even know. Like hiking with Rain Man, I would imagine (thanks.) (My favorite quote of the day was when Lauren said to LP "you're hiking like Reign Man"). We hiked for about an hour and a half before we finally got to one of the gems of this hike: Surprise Lake. Surprise! (there's a lake.) There were people there, hogging the best viewpoint. What assholes. They did eventually take a picture of the three of us, so...I guess they weren't terrible. But maybe they were. Who knows. 

The best part of this hike is a little bit up from Surprise Lake, you hike even further up the mountain, and there are the most spectacular views. This is where we stopped to lunch, an amazing quinoa (please don't be an idiot when you go to your local grocery store...it's pronounced: keen-wah) salad with spinach and squash. LP can give you the details. (white truffle oil, and shit.) And then for dessert, there were these zucchini blah blah blah cupcakes with a ginger frosting (courtesy of Chloe (the frosting))...awesome! See, when LP and I started hiking some months ago, in the bitter cold, she was like, "Oh, I'll make us a picnic!" and then it was kind of an (un)spoken rule that she would continue to do this. Well, she didn't (ok, occationally i don't have time. My bad, heaven forbid we have to go to a restaurant after.). So even though I really enjoyed that sandwich in the freezing cold in that park in February, we've had some sub par lunches since then (seriously? there have been at least three picnics since then, just sayin'...). Just saying.

(Side note: I'm typing on LP's desk and she has all these little tapes for a tape recorder, and I feel like I want to play them and listen to her words of wisdom. They're probably totally amazing, especially if she was drunk whilst recording.)


So! Lunch was great, except for one thing...one tiny, little thing: a lady (almost) topless sunbathing on the top of a rock right where we ate lunch. Gross. Totally gross. Then Chloe took her shirt off (no picture, she's barely legal, folks (haHA!)), so it was kind of even except Chloe's not disgusting like this lady was. (to be fair, i'm a youthful, physically fit 18 year old, and this woman was in her mid thirties, with rolls the size of chicken breasts all down her stomach and I was just in comparison, I was doin alright).

I was actually looking like that, hand over my eyes...this was not staged. Anyway. We took off right after eating, because this lady was loudly speaking on her cell phone in a different language (IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, IS THERE NO ESCAPE?!) and I didn't want to wait too long so that we weren't completely dragging ass. So we start walking again, and listen...I'm not bragging here at all, but my calves are like...kind of epic a little bit. I mean seriously (she's 0bSessed with them).

Okay but come on...they're nice.


This hike lasted about 3 hours...it felt like 14, I will say that, especially the last third of it when Chloe was like, "Are we just going around in circles?? I swear we've seen this rock before." It was really a great day though, and very awesome hike, and when we got back we were all dirty and hot. When I went to pee (again, of course (after twice in the woods)) I swear I found a tick in my underwear. The worst part is that I'm not sure where it ended up. But! I got to try some of LP's walnut brown ale (AWESOME!) and then this watermelon cocktail with 100 (2) different kinds of alcohol (grilled watermelon coctail with tequila, jalapeno simple syrup, and (a lot of) watermelon vodka) that was also delicious. Side note: LP's cousin, Chloe's brother, Michael, (age 10), is amazing (true).

I mean seriously, do you just love this kid. He's so much smarter than me. All in all, a tremendous day...a lot was said, a lot was learned, so just remember, kids: when it comes to matters of love, always, always follow your heart. Until then, a bad boy who plays lacrosse will do (go #29!!).